Thursday, March 28, 2013
It's been a while since I blogged. In the time I have changed towns, gained and lost a job I loved, gained and lost some friends, started school, changed my major, and gained some weight.
Well, it's time to start doing something for ME. I do things for others constantly, and they never appreciate it. In fact, sometimes I think the more I do for people, the less they care about me. I'm not sure how that works, but apparently the people I spend time with and care about are mostly a**holes. OK, I can deal with that. I can stop trying to be their friend. I can focus on the few people who I know would care if I died tomorrow. But mostly I am going to focus on me.
The things I want to do over the next few months are simple.
1) I will quite smoking. The problem is, I actually enjoy smoking. The ritual if lighting a cigarette just feels good to me.
2) I will lose 50 pounds before my vacation in September. I'm planning to meet up with a few people I play WoW with. I would like to not look like a human blob when this happens.
3) I will focus on the people who care about me as much as I care about them, and avoid the rest. I'm well on my way to this one already. There was a breaking point, and I reached it.
4) I will be more social. As much as my stupid anxiety attacks allow, anyway. Meeting new people always makes me want to hide in a corner, but it has to be done. The best way to do this is volunteer work, so I should start doing more of that.
5) I will re-train my body to prefer a healthy, mostly-vegetarian diet again. I never felt, looked, or acted healthier than when I ate that way.
Just finding my center and becoming me again would be nice. I'm hoping those five things will help me along that path. I remember a time when I felt like me, and it's like a dream. Maybe instead of waking up, I need to fall back to sleep.