Thursday, March 28, 2013
I don't really know how to explain where I've been...and I don't know how to break down what has been keeping me off of this site. This might be a long, choppy entry. I didn't like not being on here, because I could feel everything I was accomplishing was slipping away. Even though I was gone for a few weeks, it felt a lot longer. I would lie in bed and think I should be signing in to SparkPeople, but I didn't. I was just so exhausted.
That was one thing that got in the way. I felt so extremely tired at the end of the day, I couldn't bring myself to log in, let alone sit here and type an entry, or make comments. I don't think I have ever felt that tired. Maybe it was just a build up of not sleeping properly for months, that I just had to finally make time to rest.
I learned that not having my cell phone in the bedroom was really helped. I didn't realize how distracting that thing was. I would spend hours on it if I couldn't sleep...and that over stimulated my mind, so I just wouldn't sleep until almost 5am, when I had to be up at 820am for work. Yeah I get up at 820; it's a weird sounding time, but it totally works for me. So yes, I think that finally figuring how to fall asleep soundly triggered my awareness of lack of sleep, and I just kept going to bed around 930pm every night for a few weeks.
Also, I was in some serious pain when it came to my shoulders. Everything felt really tight and sore between my shoulder blades, and I thought I had to get my back cracked. I made an appointment to see my chiropractor, but it was for the following week so I decided to get a massage in the mean time. I was talking to the massage therapist, and he said that I probably didn't have to see a chiropractor, because the pain I was describing was caused from my muscles being so tense around my shoulders and neck. He explained that when you're muscles are too tight, they pull on your bones/cartilage and it causes great discomfort. I didn't really believe him at first, but then he had a look at my wonky knee and explained the one major tendon from my knee cap to my inner thigh was so tight, it was lifting my knee cap causing pain. And when he applied pressure to relax my knee cap, I became a believer in everything he was saying, and made an appointment for the following week.
The day I went to see the chiropractor, I also had an appointment to see my RMT that evening. So, I was explaining to Dr.S what was going on with my back and shoulders, and he confirmed that my left shoulder was much higher than my right. My muscles were too tight and it was lifting my shoulder up. Weirdness. Anyway, he didn't really crack my back where I needed it to, and he just did my neck and a bit of my spine, and then proceeded with this massager machine for 10 minutes. Then he just chit chatted with me for another 5 - 10 minutes, glancing at the clock to make up the 30 minute appointment I assume. I was a bit annoyed at him for not fixing my problem, and for basically killing time so he could charge me for the full appointment.
The money is not an issue, because I have insurance...it was just that he wanted me to come back every month, and I explained I don't have time for that, nor did I want to because I wanted to stretch out my coverage. Last year he had me coming in so much, I used it all up and ended up paying out of my pocket. Not cool.
Anyway, I made an appointment to go back next month but I'm going to cancel that. What made me decide to do that, was getting my follow-up massage. My RMT also confirmed my shoulders were too high, and when he started stretching me out and pulling on my arms I felt like I was all new. He laughed at my reaction and explained that the feeling I was experiencing was caused by my shoulders being at their proper position. I had no idea that my shoulders were so out of wack, along with my neck muscles. He also said that I had a major knot in my left shoulder near my neck, and it's not a build-up of fat like I thought it was. Thank goodness. I would look at this bump near my neck every morning, and I would be so embarrassed. It's caused a crease in my neck, but my RMT said that'll be gone by summer. Yay!
So the RMT was able to bring instant relief and he said after our next session in April I should be good for a while, and there was no need to come back for several months. Awesome. That is what I want to hear from someone that is supposed to be taking care of me. It was also an hour long massage, which is also covered, and I would rather do that then spend approximately 30 minutes at a chiropractors who is kinda helping me out, but won't fix the things I explained to him. I hope that all made sense.
Hmmm...what else.... Oh yes, my sister-in-law. She blew me and her brother off for 6 months while she was with this new boyfriend of hers. She didn't even thank me for her Christmas present, or spend New Years Eve afternoon with her parents and us. Her whole relationship was all she knew for the longest time, until it was over. And then all of a sudden she is back at my place every weekend, eating my food and taking up my time. The very little time that I have already. I was not impressed, and she knew it...but because my husband is the only person who can make me feel guilt, I made myself get over her snubbing us and played nice. BUT, she totally took up every weekend this month, and it sucked. I had no free time between my back problem appointments, and working, and trying to make time to be with Pete.
With all the stuff taking up my time, I let my diet slip a bit and I felt stressed out about that. It was this Sunday where I finally put my foot down, and decided that this Easter long weekend would be my start of taking care of myself. I'm not getting any younger and I really want to achieve my weight loss goal for this summer. I can't spend another summer in clothing that just isn't me. I want to fit back into my old stuff so badly...it's been 4 - 5 years since I last wore any of it.
So I'm back. I was gone because of my lack of sleep finally catching up, my weird neck/shoulder pain caused from my job and my being too small for it (yup, I forgot to mention that), bad diet making me feel like I was going to barf and never poop again, and other people sucking up my time when I had no time to give.
I am set to focus on myself. I know now, that in order to make my goals real I need to be on this site. I can admit it. So on that note, I'm off to input my food for my calorie count!