Thursday, March 28, 2013
Today is not a good day. Trying to write myself a new exercise plan that I can do without my foot. The sun is out and it's a bit warmer and I'm trying hard to find joy in that.
It's tough to accept the fact that my children don't want to be around me. I didn't think I was a bad mom but I must have been. Since the youngest got his license I'm watching him making the same dumb decisions his older brother's made. And his grades are dropping. I'd hoped he'd choose better.
I'm ready for my grandson's to visit. They still like me. Looking for fun things we can do that they'll enjoy and won't send me to the poor house.
I'm trying to stifle my bitter, angry feelings I have toward one of my son's today. I feel like he used me. But that's what mom's are for, I guess. I am managing not to say anything to him because right now, it would be biting and angry and I may regret it later. So, I'll pray instead and remind myself he's an adult and his decisions are entirely his.
Been missing my son and my mom this week. Going to go by my son's grave tomorrow and may try to go by mom's as well. I could use my mom right now. I guess that's why I find it so hard to understand why my kids are fine if they never see me. Oh well. I wasn't the mom my mother was.
Guess I'll soak up a little sun and get working on that new foot free exercise plan.