Thursday, March 28, 2013
“We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy, and bravery.”
I learned a very important lesson this past week, one should always speak kindly and with as much tact as possible as you never know what another has been through or is going through. I have always been a soft spoken person who cares about the words I direct towards others but this past weekend was a great reminder in just how important your words can be in either tearing someone down or lifting them up.
Against my better judgment I went on a somewhat blind date this past weekend, I say against my better judgment because in my heart I knew that right now is my time to shine, it is a season of time to focus on my goals specifically my fitness, nutrition, health and finishing my degree. Having a relationship takes a huge part of that focus away. I say sort of blind date because this guy and I had exchanged pictures and talked all week before deciding to meet. After a week of talking to each other we started to like each other in a personality sense and were very excited to meet. He was warm, friendly and very open about himself. We talked about our passions and how fitness and nutrition is a huge thing to us both. We met Saturday night and he was acting so weird the whole time, I asked him if he was nervous or still feeling sick and he said not nervous just a little sick still so I shrugged it off. At the end of the night it ended well with a hug and kiss then we parted ways. The next morning I text him as I normally would saying “good morning” about 20 minutes later I get a text that shook my foundation. He said he felt a little deceived by me as I was bigger than my pictures indicated or than I lead him to believe by all my talking about counting calories and fitness that I was in shape. He said he liked me but was very torn by the situation. But he felt my pictures do not show who I really am…
I was shocked, hurt and baffled by this, to be clear my pictures have not been tampered with nor are they old at all in fact most of them were taken two months ago before I lost 30lbs, after having so many people praise and cheer me on for my weight loss and determination here was one person that decided to tear me down for it. After the tears subsided I decided to text him back with the best response I could think of, I told him I am sorry if he felt deceived as that was not my intention. I am obsessed with fitness and nutrition as that is a huge part of my life and just because someone talks about such things all the time doesn’t mean they are a size 2 which looking at my pictures clearly I am not. It seemed like to me if in person he decided that he just didn’t feel anything for me why not just say I am sorry I just am not that into you. Why tell someone they are not good enough?
I struggled with this for days after feeling like no matter how much I try I will always be seen as less and why try when even after losing 30 pounds I am still seen as fat and unacceptable. Then it dawned on me that it ultimately doesn’t matter what this guy thought I can either use his opinion to cripple me or I can use it to fuel my fire for success. I stood in front of the mirror and thought sure one guy didn’t like you, who cares… it only matters that I like what I see and truth be told I love the changes I have worked hard for and I love me.
A friend once said “ If you want to Soar then you must learn to F.L.Y. (First love yourself)"
So far I may have dropped nearly 36lbs and I have broken some huge mental blocks that have kept me where I was but the biggest breakthrough has been learning to love myself in any stage through every change. I honestly do love whom I was (she taught me so much) whom I am (is learning and pushing limits) and who I am becoming (knows no boundaries she can accomplish anything)
So far this week I have been very diligent in my workouts and I am starting to find that a lot of it is mental and now that I am past my mental block (work outs are torture not fun) I am having actual fun doing workouts. I am loving Coach Nicoles 28 day bootcamp as well as doing an hour and just dance after makes me feel like I am having fun like a kid.
No matter what anyone tells you, you don’t have to stay within the lines.