Thursday, March 28, 2013
Wow, where have I been????
Hi. My name is Rachel. And I swear, I’m still alive!
I haven’t posted since January! What the heck?
First the weight. Then all the other stuff.
Going back in time, I realize that I have a pattern. Right around the holidays to right around now I hit an epic slump. A slump where I barely remember anything I’ve ever learned. An abyss. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my room has no windows and I get no natural light all day long? Maybe it’s just the ebb and flow of life.
Whatever it is, this is my dismal time of year – or rather, the end of my dismal time of year. It was last year, on this day exactly, that I decided to call the Kaiser weight management team. And it’s been almost a year since I started phentermine (I’ve been off of it for 6 months now).
Tuesday I had an appointment with the weight management group. Why? Well it’s been 6 months now since I stopped taking phentermine. I’ve maintained my weight for those 6 months within 3 pounds and now I’m ready to really kick it in to gear and finish this journey I started.
At my lowest I was down 37.6 pounds. Yup. I gained a little back. But what I noticed is that I have been able to maintain within about a 3-5 pound range pretty easily for the last 6 months. Of course, I should have never gained those pounds to begin with (hello dating and the holidays!) but it happened. Talking to the nurse practioner made me feel a little better. She told me she gained 30 pounds dating her boyfriend so I don’t feel so terrible about gaining the 15 that I did. Nonetheless, it needs to go!
Ladies, I’m beginning to realize it’s a fact – you get a boyfriend, you gain weight. Grrr.
I do feel horrible right now – these ten pounds have had a huge impact on me. (I say ten because I was only at my lowest weight for a nano-second!). My pants don’t fit and my body doesn’t feel good. Not going to yoga regularly has also been a huge compounding factor. I have done what I do every year: let work rule my life. But I’m learning. The difference between then and now though is that I wouldn’t have stopped myself – I would have kept gaining until I was back to my highest weight or higher. At least I hit the brakes when I did and not after I gained every single pound back.
I have become a firm believer on the philosophy of resetting your setpoint (Breakthrough Your Set Pont by Blackburn and Corliss. It’s a great book, you should read it!). The argument these doctors make is that you should strive to lose 10% of your bodyweight, then keep it off for 6 months and then lose another 10% and keep it off for 6 months and so on so that your body has a chance to rebalance itself. Over the past year, I’ve lost a net total of 24.6 pounds. 24.6 was 10% of my starting body weight. So at least my body is starting to normalize! Now it’s time to breakthrough that setpoint again! So my new goal is 173.3 to reach and then maintain for the next six months. Baby steps.
So I’m back on phentermine. In positive news, I can say without a doubt that going off phentermine does not mean you instantly gain all of your weight back. Eating cream coated German food at your boyfriend’s parents’ house for Christmas, however, does. I finally feel like I have some energy to do something about it. It is my pattern this time of the year. I’m dragging and don’t have any energy! But I have a few more days of spring break to chillax! And I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to it!
Ebb and flow.
Now for the rest!
Work has been horrible. I can’t wait for the end of the school year. I come home every day feeling defeated because I can’t do everything. And while I try to keep in perspective that I am the ONLY special education teacher in a K-12 school with 800 kids – and no paraeducator to help – it still kills me because I’m used to giving my job my all. After visiting other schools and districts around the metro area, I realize I am getting the shaft big time. Smaller schools than mine have two teachers with para support. I know I should feel proud that I am able to handle my caseload – but a lot of the time I feel hopeless because I can’t possibly support my students the way they deserve.
The half marathon training is going nowhere. Lol. I haven’t run in a couple of weeks and I’m certainly not following my plan. Time to change that. I’m going to start a modified plan and just do the best I can. If I walk, I walk. No big deal. I just need to get moving again for my own sanity. I ran 5 miles the other day in Cheyenne and I felt great – I don’t know why I’m dragging my feet so much! Just another reason this time of year sucks for me!
On the boyfriend front, things are going well. Of course I’m like any person in a serious relationship – I have my moments where I wonder what the heck I’m doing! But I’m applying for jobs in Wyoming and will be moving to Cheyenne this summer if I can get a job. We will be moving in together and that will be interesting! We both have a lot of stuff!
The move is also filling my plate big time. I used to move all of the time – I was never in the same place for that long. But it’s time for a change. So we shall see! New adventures are on the horizon.
And that’s about it for now! This update was pretty long – so thanks for hanging in there!