Thursday, March 28, 2013
Treadmill 60 minutes, last 20 minutes inclines- Still a bit uninspired to do my workout at home (planks, jacks, squats)
So yesterday - I don't even think I thought about what I was doing I just did it. I was I guess having a out of body vacationing experience or something. They had donuts in my section and I had one. After I had a grilled turkey and cheese for breakfast. Ate the lunch I brought and proceeded to spend my afternoon eating marshmellow easter eggs and finished my nite up eating the remainder of the bag.
I ate my at home dinner but it was all the other junk I had during the day.
So I won't even discuss my weigh-in this morning. Was I expecting differently? Nope. But I admit what I did and I'm moving on. But it did make me think about my actions. I was reading a fellow sparkers blog the other day regarding emotional eating and she shared a few resources that helped her get through and work on examining why she self sabotage. One book seemed really interesting to me so I purchased it and will start reading it today at lunch. Hopefully if I have no company. I don't think yesterday was an emotional thing as I can't put my finger on any thing that may have triggered my eating other than not given thought to it. But when reading some of the excerpts it may me curious to find out if I'm in this category.
I have a co-worker that went through a bout of depression for almost a year. He finally got medical care and he's doing better. But he's gained A LOT of weight in a short period of time. He shared with me that the doctors thought it was the medication but he admitted that it was him and his eating. Said he eats when he's happy with life. I believe he's the first person I met that eats when their happy. Like excessively eat. Most eat when we get down or most stop eating when they're depressed. Funny thing is I saw him this morning and it made me think about all of this. He's actually gained more weight. He blurts these things out at me like I asked him. So I had to really give thought to whether I may be in a deniable depression of some sort. I've had to pray about this for a few days because even though I say I'm okay and that I'm happy with my life and with my empty nest...am I really?
I look at my habits now and my habits when my daughter was home and I'm like really Vanessa?!? I was looking at my home environment and although I keep my house clean it's not CLEAN ORGANIZED OCDish as I have always been. It's like whose here but me sooooo....I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow turns into the weekend or another tomorrow. I hate washing clothes and not folding them or hanging them and putting them away. Now I wash, they sit in the basket, in the dryer... So I know that my God is pointing this out to me that I'm in a funk. It's one thing to speak, smile and appear okay on the outside but God knows what's going on even in my deepest chambers. So I'm working on pulling myself up and be truthful that something is going on in me that I need to face. But even while I dig deep I'm going to stay focused on my weight loss journey. I was thinking this morning that when my one year anniversary approach I want to be able to measure how far I've come. Not how much weight I loss per se but EVERYTHING that has been a part of my one year journey. So I got 87 days to keep pushing and rack up some success stories.
It's amazing how blogging about things can bring about a truth that may otherwise not be exposed. I know a lot of Sparkers lurk, read and not comment or blog. But I always see blogging and commenting as one tool that helps me and may help others that are struggling or experiencing things. So when you think it's not worth blogging about, blog it anyway somebody needs it today. If you read a blog that helped, inspired, hindered or whatever...comment let the blogger know you blessed me or didn't bless me today (be nice).