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Being Honest

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Today is day 36 of my current streak!

I was thinking today about how different my life has become since I started my first streak last year. Back then, exercise was SO not important to me. I belonged to a women's gym, and although I went there on a regular basis, I never pushed myself at all during my workouts. I just did the circuit at a lazy pace, chatting with the other women there and not doing a darned thing to break a sweat or get my heart rate up. And I would think "oh, I'm working out, I'm in pretty good shape for how fat I am!"

Isn't it amazing the things we can convince ourselves of, and the lies we can tell ourselves? I honestly had myself believing that I was fit and healthy, even though I weighed 286 lbs, binged on junk food in the middle of the night while everyone was asleep, and didn't even WORK my workouts!

But yet, for all the lies I told myself, there was no way I could ignore the fact that I would get out of breath just from walking across the room, or the way my whole body hurt, or the way I had no energy for living my life. So once again, I lied to myself. I'd tell myself that my knees hurt so much from working out, and that the reason I was out of breath so easily was because of my blood pressure medication.

When I started my streak, I knew I had to be completely honest with myself, or as close to it as possible. It was time to knees hurt because I weighed so much! I was out of breath and had no energy because, aside from that half hour at the women's gym, I spent the rest of the day sitting (or laying) around watching TV or Sparking!

Once I started being honest with myself, things started to change. I quit the women's gym, and I started working out at home. I stopped buying junk food, hiding it in my purse, and then eating it at 2 in the morning in a dark kitchen. I bought healthy food, and I started tracking it like it was my mission in life.

It was not easy, and its still not easy. I struggled in the beginning, and I struggle to this day, but thats okay. Before I started streaking last year, I struggled just to MOVE and BREATHE. Now I struggle to IMPROVE a little every day.

My streaks aren't perfect. I have had to start over a few times, but I'm proud of starting over because that means I didn't quit! I have had huge successes and also huge failures, but I've kept going and I've made progress. I'm not at my goal size yet, but I know I will get there if I keep pushing myself. In the meantime, I've had a multitude of non-scale victories to celebrate. I've gotten smaller, stronger, healthier and I have learned to love my perfectly imperfect body. I have learned that taking care of my health is the most loving thing I can do for my family.

When I workout now, I strive to push myself hard. I actually LOVE to break a sweat and get that heart rate up. I love the exhilarating exhaustion that comes from a true workout. I never look for the easy way out anymore. I like a workout that challenges me, and then when I get good at it and it feels easier, I move on to something else.

I still love my DDP Yoga workouts because they still challenge the heck out of me! Recently, I've also started doing kettlebell workouts with this DVD;

Slowly but surely, I am getting closer and closer to my goal. In the meantime, I am discovering that I am capable of so much more than I ever would have believed, and I look forward to discovering even more about myself.


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BKNOCK 3/27/2013 8:09PM

    emoticon Thank you! Another great blog!

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LANNIEMANUEL 3/27/2013 7:55PM

    I love your post. always make my day. keep it up

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SAWYERPATTI 3/27/2013 7:54PM

    I was thinking about this very thing today. I did an hour walk effortlessly an thought back to 5 months ago when I was day dreaming about the daily jaunt! My new knee is great but my body is still adjusting. I may not walk as fast as I would like but I am so much better each day.
Lovely blog as always.
Big hug,

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FLDEEZ 3/27/2013 7:53PM

    Love your words of wisdom! I must say that your streaks really (REALLY!) inspire me. I love the fact that you start over after a bad day or moment and just start counting again. It's not the end. It's also not the beginning of a huge downslide. It's just a moment you've overcome. That helps me a lot (like right now after I've eaten a bit outside my range after doing so well for so long!) So, THANK YOU! (And congratulations on your amazing achievement!)

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TERMITEMOM 3/27/2013 7:44PM

    Oh yes, we tend to be delusional so easily... But you are doing well, and you are sticking to it! Challening yourself and knowing that you can achieve your goal makes a huge difference. YOU are the proof it works!

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HEALTHY4ME 3/27/2013 7:38PM

    YOu hae done well, I on the other hand am doing well cos of the diet the naturopath put me on but truth be told I could still after 6 wks go back to eating junk righ thtis min. even though I feel beetter, look better and have lost 13 lbs. Sigh takes me longer than the average persont o make a habit.

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