Trying to get comfortable with this notion
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Remember I mentioned that FWB & I are dating? It's going great, by the way.
And before I go any further, you need to know that I am not your normal, average person, sexually. Never was, never will be.
The big part that I didn't mention is the gender of the FWB. And it's not a man.
I've known for a long time that I'm bi, but I had never really had an opportunity to find out until My Guy came along. Several years ago, we had tried a poly-amorous relationship, bringing in another woman into the fold. It lasted a couple years, but in the end, she & I weren't quite working out to what I wanted or expected. So, we ended that relationship, and I was starting to think that my bi tendencies were imagined.
There's a lot more to how (female) FWB came into my life, and how she always managed to be in my life since the day I met her, one way or another. There's also a LOT more to the relationship as well, and right now, I'm not ok with sharing that to the public, even if it's only on Spark.
What I'm trying to work through in my head is having a primary relationship being of same gender. And only the PDA's (public displays of affection).
I've always been gay supportive, as long as I can remember. In my teens, I didn't quite know why, but as my life evolved, I found out why.
And being attracted to the same or different gender isn't a choice, if you were in doubt. It's a choice to ignore or acknowledge it, but not a choice to BE this way.
I feel a little two-faced... no, that's not the word. I'm ok with being in a F-F relationship, and I've even told my mom and sister, and they're ok with it too. But it's the public display of affection that I'm not ready to jump in. She's good, though.... whenever there has been an occasion of PDA, she has been subtle or she has dashed me over to a less public location.
There are NO repercussions at work for coming out... but I know there are some friends who will just never understand, while others will disagree with the relationship. Most, though, would understand and be supportive. I think.
I already know my father would have a big problem with this, but since he & Mom are now separated, I haven't told him, and neither has anyone else. I'll deal with him a little later.
I need to work through this hangup in my head, because I don't plan to have her out of my life anytime soon. I want to enjoy the relationship in public as much as I do in private.
I'll also find a suitable nickname for her here, very soon. She's worth it. :-D