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Trying to get comfortable with this notion

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Remember I mentioned that FWB & I are dating? It's going great, by the way.

And before I go any further, you need to know that I am not your normal, average person, sexually. Never was, never will be.

The big part that I didn't mention is the gender of the FWB. And it's not a man.

I've known for a long time that I'm bi, but I had never really had an opportunity to find out until My Guy came along. Several years ago, we had tried a poly-amorous relationship, bringing in another woman into the fold. It lasted a couple years, but in the end, she & I weren't quite working out to what I wanted or expected. So, we ended that relationship, and I was starting to think that my bi tendencies were imagined.

There's a lot more to how (female) FWB came into my life, and how she always managed to be in my life since the day I met her, one way or another. There's also a LOT more to the relationship as well, and right now, I'm not ok with sharing that to the public, even if it's only on Spark.

What I'm trying to work through in my head is having a primary relationship being of same gender. And only the PDA's (public displays of affection).

I've always been gay supportive, as long as I can remember. In my teens, I didn't quite know why, but as my life evolved, I found out why.

And being attracted to the same or different gender isn't a choice, if you were in doubt. It's a choice to ignore or acknowledge it, but not a choice to BE this way.

I feel a little two-faced... no, that's not the word. I'm ok with being in a F-F relationship, and I've even told my mom and sister, and they're ok with it too. But it's the public display of affection that I'm not ready to jump in. She's good, though.... whenever there has been an occasion of PDA, she has been subtle or she has dashed me over to a less public location.

There are NO repercussions at work for coming out... but I know there are some friends who will just never understand, while others will disagree with the relationship. Most, though, would understand and be supportive. I think.

I already know my father would have a big problem with this, but since he & Mom are now separated, I haven't told him, and neither has anyone else. I'll deal with him a little later.

I need to work through this hangup in my head, because I don't plan to have her out of my life anytime soon. I want to enjoy the relationship in public as much as I do in private.

I'll also find a suitable nickname for her here, very soon. She's worth it. :-D
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYSINATRA 6/17/2013 9:47AM

    Jo, your relationship is no ones business but yours and hers. Yes, some people will have a problem with your decision, but so what. Take your dad. If he does say something, ask him if YOU had a Say in his separating with your mom. You didn't have a say in his relationship, and he doesn't have a say in yours, and neither does anyone else. YOU and HER are the only ones that matter, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says.

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GRAMMACATHY 4/5/2013 1:18PM

    All love has value. Both John Lennon and Professor Dumbledore subscribed to that belief. Do not let other's values determine what is right for you.

But I do want to give you a heads up. Only Spark mail and closed teams are confidential. These blogs and all open team threads can be googled by anyone who has internet, not just Spark people. Try googling my sparkname or your own. You will see what I mean.

Sending more love to you dear friend.

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SILVERWITCH59 3/29/2013 9:40PM

    Wow how wonderful for you. I hope you will grow more confidant by the day in your relationship. It is wonderful that most of your family is supportive too. As for PDA I am okay with a short kiss a hug or two hand holding Anything above that should be special and private. Regardless of orientation . emoticon

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PEAJAY50 3/29/2013 2:22AM

    From what my Step-Son has revealed to me about "coming out" its a bit unnerving, scary-as-heck, and unpredictable. All the elements of extreme stress. *S* So feeling uncertain I would think is expected until the "shock" for everyone involved cools off. Give it the time and attention it needs... *S* This is who you are, finally revealed in her "birthday suit". Just take one day at a time...

As for PDAs... I don't mind hugging, kissing, holding hands, touching in non-sexual ways as acceptable. PDAs that are blatantly sexual are just crude and rude - its exhibitionism and I'm not a voyeur. *S*



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KIYOSHI04 3/28/2013 10:57PM

    holy smokes.
not what i was expecting to hear!
yay you.

i so agree with the other poster about having limited pdas regardless of the orientation.
although holding hands, a caress, etc is different to me.

i know you will work through it and cant wait to hear the nickname for her.

btw: awesome.

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BLUEROSE73 3/28/2013 2:42PM

    That is all so awesome. I'm sorry you still have a few hangups, but I'm so glad to see you working through them. I wish both of you all the happiness in the world. I'm so glad you found eachother.

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GAILRUU 3/28/2013 10:37AM

    I think I am uncomfortable with public displays of affection no matter what the sexual orientation! Do what you feel comfortable with.

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DOVESEYES 3/27/2013 8:28PM

    Thanks for sharing and have a great day.

Christine
Country Living Team

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