When I checked out yesterday afternoon, the cashier at the grocery story probably thought I was crazy. Who comes in and buys low fat chicken broth and tomato soup, organic cranberry juice and carrot juice, detox tea, and nothing else? She looked at me like she wanted to say something. Maybe she thought I was bulimic or something... I don't know. Luckily I didn't have to explain that I was only buying the items on the list that an ancient Sidhe lord had given me.
Today, I begin detoxification. Again. This should be about seven different shades of fun and exciting.
Looking at my immortal mentor, I ask: "Nodens, is this really necessary?"
"You are not permitted to question me. That was our agreement."
I sigh. "Right. So, nothing but liquids for the next four days? Are you sure... I mean, I'm sure that you already know that is healthy for humans."
He gives me his patented Nodens-is-not-happy-look-- an expression that is one half "are you really sure you want to try me?" and one half "the only reason I haven't crushed you like a bug is that you are not worth my time."
"I am a god of healing as well as the founder of the Wild Hunt," he reminds me. "I assure you that I know what is healthy--"
"Right, of course. I forgot. I'm sorry, I--"
"--Do not interrupt. I was saying: detoxifying is perfectly safe, even for humans, if it is done correctly. I will never ask you to do something that will damage you."
"Thanks. That actually makes me feel better."
"If I ever wish to harm you, I will not be so... subtle about it."
Yikes. "That, on the other hand, does NOT make me feel so good."
He only smiles-- a slight quirk of his lips.
Perhaps I should leave it there, but, as strange and frightening as he can be, I rather like Nodens. There aren't many people left in the world who take honor and justice as seriously as he does. Besides, I need him... If I can barely lose weight even with his incentives, I will be completely hopeless without him. I want to smooth things over if I can. "Are you still angry? About the almost-question-thing, I mean? I really am sorry if I offended you."
He quirks his lips and tilts his head slightly, vaguely amused. "I assure you, I am not so arrogant as to be insulted by a human forgetting one of my powers. If I were, I would have a vendetta against nearly the entire human race. We Ancient Ones have, after all, been mostly forgotten. Nonetheless I accept your apology." He studies me for a moment. It's disconcertingly like a wild cat studying its prey, and I clench my fists to avoid fidgeting. At last he speaks again: "Let us move forward. If you were an aspiring Huntsman, I would recommend two days of fasting along with a mild natural laxative. However, as you have proven yourself to be exceedingly... weak," I get another dose of the Look, "I will recommend four days of only liquids along with two daily doses of detoxifying tea. Did you purchase all of the ingredients?"
He arches an eyebrow in an eloquent warning. "Well?"
"I couldn't find all of the ingredients at the grocery store, and I knew we didn't have time to order them." I speak quickly, trying to get all of the words out before I lose my nerve; Nodens' expression is becoming more cold and hard with every syllable. "I bought this instead," I produce a box from my grocery bags. "It's Yogi Detox Tea."
Nodens' face remains stern and terribly calm, but quiet rage simmers in his eyes. I catch quick, indistinct glimpses of a dark, bluish-purple shimmer. At first I think my eyes are playing tricks on me, but I'm not that lucky. Nodens-Nuatha's jet-colored skin is glowing faintly, like a distant black-light. His anger is bringing his stormy power closer to the surface. I swallow hard. My mentor is usually Mr. Stoicism-- unemotional and calm like the ultimate Zen master. It isn't easy to piss him off this badly. I get the sudden idea that I might be proud of my achievement if I weren't so concerned about my life being cut short.
When he speaks, there's a hard edge to his voice, and something else... power trembles through his voice like a low growl reverberating through a tuning fork.
"Have you forgotten that you are to obey me without failure or question?" he purrs dangerously.
Oh yeah. He's pissed.
"Look! Just read the back! If you don't feel that these ingredients will do, I will order what you prescribed." I hand over the box. "Most of what you listed is in here any way."
He takes the tea from me, calming swiftly, and even nodding slightly in approval.
"Well, Well. It appears you are capable of doing something right after all."