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Musings on perfectionism ...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I've been thinking about "perfectionism" lately in light of continued difficulties with urges to eat. Every time I set goals, I end up in intense struggles with food. It's as if some sort of Beast rears up and fights back. Yeah, I know, sounds like addiction. Which is the other issue I have been exploring and struggling to manage.

I would not have said I was a perfectionist some short time ago but it is clear that I am. The primary symptom seems to be beating myself up for not being 100%. It is difficult to counteract, as everywhere I look someone is urging me to do my best ... and deep down I apparently believe "my best" has got to equal "100%".

I KNOW intellectually that this is not only NONSENSE but a SET-UP for chronic struggles with simply being human! I can be really accepting and supportive of others but when I practice the same process on me up rears the Beast and I am dancing around in these struggles with urges and shame and confusion. I suspect myself of a streak of narcissistic personality disorder (google that; it is interesting reading)!

So, I Spark along, waver in and out of tracking food, and work out maximally daily. The working out really, really helps! Wow! I like it!

If only eating sanely were as enjoyable and "easy"!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAPTOR 3/30/2013 12:33AM

    Nobody is always 100% my friend. Give yourself a break. If you were perfect all the time, how boring life would be. How would you ever challenge yourself?

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KARENCRANER 3/28/2013 10:04AM

    Sweetie, I'm so proud of you for working out as much as you can. Do you find that it helps maintain an even, upbeat mood? Now, learn to forgive yourself. :)

I've been struggling with eating well, too. Unlike you, I still track every ugly calorie, so despite the fact that I haven't met my calorie range, I feel like I'm still in the game, meeting one goal, at least.

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CAREYBEARY77 3/27/2013 10:13PM

    I'm afraid I don't have anything helpful to share....but I do enjoy your introspective "musings". It sounds like you might be as stuck inside your own head as I am. AND you have perspective, with a healthy dose of humour. Thanks for sharing. It's really inspiring!!

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GEOJEANIE 3/27/2013 4:34PM

    Admitting the problem is MOST of the battle. Now you can give yourself some slack! Sometimes we are all our own worst enemies!

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MSJESSPDX 3/27/2013 3:11PM

    It seems knowing that the perfectionist streak is a pitfall is HUGE asset, since you might be able to protect yourself against your own worst enemy...the Beast, when you see it rearing up! Self-knowledge is sooo powerful!

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