Our story begins in the group classroom where trainer boy brings out the Bosu and the 8 lb. weights. I step up with my right foot and do a shoulder press, switch legs, 10 reps and then same thing with bicep curls, repeat three times.
Next we hit the floor for ab torture, I mean work. I use the word “we” loosely of course. First up, holding an 8lb. ball, knees bent, I do full sit-ups, pushing the ball overhead as I come up 10 times. I actually love this because a year ago, I could not sit all the way up.
Then, legs up at a 90 degree angle, sitting up, leaning back at an angle, keeping back straight, abs engaged, twist right, left right and then left, right, left etc, 10 times. THEN the killer, lay down, arms outstretched overhead, pull in abs and bring straight legs up and arms to meet, 10 times. Does anyone hear the chainsaw across my abs?? Then repeat all of the aforementioned ab moves three times. By the last three reps in the third set, the chainsaw gets louder and I look like a fish floundering out of water.
After trainer boy peels me off the floor, we are off to the main part of the gym to what I affectionately refer to as the “he-man area” (many large-muscled men in this area) for TRX and kettle bell. I have graduated from the 15 lb. kettle bell to the 26.4 lb. Three sets of squats holding the kettle bell in front of me, then bringing the kettle bell up to shoulder height in front of me as I stand.
Some of you may have seen previous status updates where I profess my love for TRX. It is SO hard and SO rewarding! For those not familiar, you can see TRX advertised on the SP website or google it. First up, holding on to the handles, I lean back at an angle, arms straight out in front of me. Keeping everything in line and tight I pull myself up to standing 10 times.
Then, still holding on to the handles, one leg out in front of me, I do one-legged squats and pull myself back up to standing. Here comes that chainsaw across my thighs. 10 times. Then lunge back and pull myself back up to standing 10 times each leg.
Next I do pushups using the TRX straps… holding on to the hand grips, leaning towards the floor at an angle and do pushups. I hope that makes sense, I’m essentially doing pushups in midair. It takes a lot of work not to let my arm fly out to the sides. Then lather, rinse and repeat all moves three times. At this point I am a sweaty mess, even my hair.
Trainer boy leads me back to the group classroom; I’m now following him around a little more slowly with my jell-o legs and my knuckles dragging the floor. Out comes the bosu again, flipped upside down. I had to hold on to the sides, in plank position, pull right knee in towards left elbow, then left knee toward right elbow, 10 times, and repeat this set three times. My hands kept sweating so much I almost slipped off but I held it together.
Then he gives me the band, unfortunately not the Beatles or Van Halen. bah ha! I step on the band and lift arms straight out the sides, then out in front, then bicep curls, 10 each, repeated three times. To distract myself from my burning shoulders, I watched a very petite young girl in very small, tight pants, teeny sports bra and high-heeled silver shoes. The trainer with her was guiding her through different poses, I overheard “judging” and “competition” so I watched intently, imagining what she was training for and admiring her muscle tone.
As you can imagine, my arms are like jello at this point so of course, on to the chest press machine, one arm at a time. I bumped it up to 50 lbs and OY VEY!!! I focused on the TV overhead. NCIS Los Angeles was on and John Corbett was on. What a wonderful distraction!
But wait there’s more. I can’t remember what it’s called but it has a platform, maybe five or six inches off the ground and it vibrates. For about ten minutes, I did a mini step aerobic workout on this thing. It is very odd stepping on and off this vibrating platform.
This concludes this broadcast of My Night at the Gym. I am proud to say I am long past being self-conscious at the gym. I look like a dork doing these moves and I embrace my dorkiness. Looking like a dork at the gym is better than how I look when I’m vegging on the couch with snacks and the remote.
To distract myself from the pain, I used the he-men and the teeny tiny girl in high heels as focal points; I look at the colors of their shoe laces, how their shorts and t-shirts match or do not match etc. oh yeah, and John Corbett on tv!
Have a wonderfully wicked wild Wednesday!