80,000-99,999 SparkPoints 92,707

why do I want to sabotage myself?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I am having a battle with myself. I am eating 1500 calories a day. I walk every day. I do weights twice a week and I do my elliptical at least three times a week. I keep wanting to have diet mentality. I do not weigh and I do not know how much I have lost in eight months. I keep thinking I am losing about five pounds a month and that is too slow. I want to lose 10 pounds a month. I have lost 100 pounds a couple of times in 10 months but I never learned how to maintain. I would put the weight back on. I feel like I need to eat 1200 or 1300 hundred calories so maybe I will lose faster. I know that I feel bad, am cranky, nervous at that low calorie. I feel great at 1500 calories and am getting more fruits and vegetables. I feel like time is running out and I need to lose the weight faster but yet everything in me says keep doing the way you are doing and one day you will be to a healthy weight. It really does not matter if it takes years and years because what am I going to change with my eating? Nothing! Maybe some more fruits and vegetables but that is it. I have always dieted and then got off the diet and gained it back.
Now I know I will eat the way I am eating for the rest of my life. I just wish I could lose this mentality of wanting to "diet" the way I use to do. I see the results of that way of life and I don't like it. It has been a struggle lately. I got off of all processed sugar and that is a big blessing. I eat fruit and my sweet of choice is two dates a day. I will some days eat an apple, banana and two dates. I went through a spell a couple of weeks ago that I got it in my head I needed to cut out the fruit. It was too much sugar. Well I was a cranky old bear and I was wanting to overeat.
My husband asked what was I doing different and I told him about the fruit. He advised me to go back to the way I was eating and see how that was. I did and sure enough I settled right down and did not want to overeat and I was a lot calmer. I really am thinking I am trying to mess up what I have achieved in the last eight months. I wonder why I want to mess up what is working. I have done that so many times. I hope blogging about this will let me see what I am doing and stop trying to fix something that is working.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Did I read you right that you NEVER weigh yourself? So how do you know how much you have lost, or not? Why not give yourself a weigh-in at regular intervals, along with measurements and take it from there? You sound like you're doing great but won't give yourself the kudos or credit for your awesome efforts! You may have bypassed even your own expectations by now, but don't know it because you have no measuring standards. Don't be so hard on yourself. emoticon You need to give yourself some emoticon and some emoticon
    1724 days ago
  • JILL313
    I think you are doing an awesome job in losing weight and getting healthier. I sure can understand why it would be nice to lose the weight quickly but you personally know when you don't really change your unhealthy habits to healthy ones and just focus on the # of calories you're eating and the scale you're not going to be able to do that the rest of your life. I know your approach to slowly losing the weight and eating healthier and staying around 1500 helps you slowly lose weight and you can do this the rest of your life. We both know there is no quick fix for either of us. My Goal is to be Healthier and Feel Better no matter what my scale tells me. I know losing a significant amount of weight slowly while making healthy eating and moving more can be hard work but the rewards are well worth all the effort it takes. I know you believe in Yourself. . .You know better than anyone your way now is the way for you to keep Going on with it emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon .


    1724 days ago
    LIke a lot of us, you are impatient and want this to be over with NOW! I'm that way, too, but you know, just like I do that it will never be over NOW! In fact, if this is truly a way of life for us now, it will never be over. So, just keep working your system...don't give in to temptation and make any changes if you think it makes you feel better and you are doing well with it. I'd rather it take years to get to my goal (whatever that is) than to take a few months to lose a lot of weight and a few weeks to gain it all back and have to do it again. What you're feeling is part of the pain of making these changes in our lives and having to work through them again and again. But, I have faith in you and I know you can do it!! emoticon emoticon
    1724 days ago
    You need to take care of YOU if you are going to be able to live with the changes you are making - that means if it takes a LONG time, it is OKAY as long as you are making progress. It is okay as long as you are doing what you need to do. Do you want to be miserable and a grouchy bear for the rest of your life? Or do you want to be happy and pleasant? Your blog was a great reminder that we HAVE to take care of ourselves first so we can also take care of others too.
    1725 days ago
  • THOMS1
    I think you are doing a wonderful job. I don't think I could have not stepped on that scale for 8 months. Aren't you even a little bit curious? emoticon
    1725 days ago
    Don't cut back on the fruits. You do need them to be healthy. Maybe add an apple a day. Add more unprocessed veggies. What has helped me is cutting out the refined white flours -- and that eliminates a lot of sweets and butter type additions. I try to keep at around 1200 a day. You're on a working program - don't see much that needs to be fixed. Portion size? Think healthy instead of focusing on the scale. A well balanced diet, colorful fruits and veggies, think color instead of white. You're doing great! Just keep focused on what is good and ignore the rest.
    1725 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1725 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by DOLLIE6