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    MSJESSPDX   3,588
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Post Regain Self-Consciousness


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I'm really feeling conflicted about getting support from people around this journey. Not on SP, of course, this place is great! No, I'm speaking specifically about my office-mates. We're a tight group, having worked together for years in a social services agency. They were an amazing support and circle of strength for me when I lost 80 lbs. They encouraged me, cheered my successes and comforted me when I messed up. But they have now seen me regain 40 lbs, and my feelings of anxiousness and assumptions about their lack of belief that I can really DO this are holding me back from reaching out to them.

(Can you tell that PIXIE-LICIOUS's "Fear" post has stirred some stuff up??)

I feel inclined to just quietly do this, and get to a place of confidence and peace with myself, and not really engage with my co-workers about all of this. Not yet, anyway. I mean, if I lose 40 lbs, presumably somebody's gonna notice, right?! Or maybe I'll let folks know once I really believe I can do this again. Part of me is scared of failing, and there are moments when I feel like I'm just going through the motions, eating well and exercising because I should, not because it's integrated into my life. So many unknowns! But I need to remind myself that sometimes the unknowns are the most thrilling part of this journey.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
AKATHLEEN54 3/27/2013 10:51AM

    I don't know how long it takes to feel like this new "lifestyle" is just "integrated into your life" I think it takes hard work, a lot of concentration, a lot of planning, and a lot of sacrifice to do this. I can't wait for the day when i will just eat a meal or a snack without really thinking about it and I will have made the right choice, but I think its going to be a very long time before that really happens.
Here's the thing...... you have your Spark friends and right there is all the motivation and encouragement you need!! These people are here for you every moment of every day and they (including me) understand what this journey is about and how difficult and challenging it is. "Outsiders" see our failures as just that "failures" Not a bump in the road, a sidestep, a bad day. whatever the reason; I don't think people who never had a weight issue understand what it is to try to reel in all of our bad behaviors and try to live a clean and healthy lifestyle. I just said to someone on Spark this morning that I don't like to tell a lot of outsiders about my journey because then I feel like I am always being judged. Could be my imagination but then I think they are always looking at everything I put in my mouth or they are wondering why I am just sitting around and not "going for a walk" or something. They would have no idea that I planned all week to eat that one cookie and its included in my tracker or I have my exercise routine all worked out and now is not the time.
Sounds crazy but I love the support I get on Spark because these people understand and when we DO really have a failure nobody berates you for that. They just give you advice on how to pick yourself up again and move forward. Sorry, I am rambling, but I just wanted you to know you will get all the support you need right here if you don't yet want to share your journey with your co-workers and Yes, when you start to lose weight again they will notice it and all you have to say is a polite "thank you" and revel in your success, which by the way, you will have!!! Happy Sparking and best of luck to you. emoticon emoticon

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