Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I'm really feeling conflicted about getting support from people around this journey. Not on SP, of course, this place is great! No, I'm speaking specifically about my office-mates. We're a tight group, having worked together for years in a social services agency. They were an amazing support and circle of strength for me when I lost 80 lbs. They encouraged me, cheered my successes and comforted me when I messed up. But they have now seen me regain 40 lbs, and my feelings of anxiousness and assumptions about their lack of belief that I can really DO this are holding me back from reaching out to them.
(Can you tell that PIXIE-LICIOUS's "Fear" post has stirred some stuff up??)
I feel inclined to just quietly do this, and get to a place of confidence and peace with myself, and not really engage with my co-workers about all of this. Not yet, anyway. I mean, if I lose 40 lbs, presumably somebody's gonna notice, right?! Or maybe I'll let folks know once I really believe I can do this again. Part of me is scared of failing, and there are moments when I feel like I'm just going through the motions, eating well and exercising because I should, not because it's integrated into my life. So many unknowns! But I need to remind myself that sometimes the unknowns are the most thrilling part of this journey.