Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I was "thin" until I was 22. I had a nasty break up that spring and partied hard all summer, which in consequence, made me gain about 50 pounds over a few months. I was a dance major at ASU. It was August and I had to SQUEEZE myself into my leotard and pink tights for ballet class.
We were about to begin warm up (plies) at the bar and I looked at myself in the mirror.
Oh. My. God.
That is what I thought when I finally got a glimpse of myself in a full length mirror for the first time in months. I will also never forget the look I got from one of my classmates who was next to me at the barre.
It wasn't disgust, smugness or really even anything negative.
It was a look of sympathy.
That was 9 years ago and I can still remember this moment clear as if it were minutes ago.
My weight has just gone up and up since then.
I have a serious binge eating disorder and I'm having a hard time kicking it. It almost seems to have gotten worse with my realizing it.
I was doing 30 day shred and got through 7 days of it. I was doing well...
Then, life happened (my kid got sick again) and I went about a week only getting a few hours of sleep per night.
The healthy living and exercise came to a screeching halt.
A couple of weeks have passed and I have returned to not exercising and eating crap food.
I will start again soon. I just need to get through this low part of my usual cycle.