Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I don't know... You all must think I'm the wishiest, washiest person on this site, and I don't blame you. I weigh just what I did one year ago and I'm up 4 pounds from my lowest weight. I can't say that I've been busting my butt... I can't say that my eating has been stellar... the ONLY thing I can say is that I've maintained my 137 pound weight loss for 1 year.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm SUPER happy about it, but I'm frustrated because I can't find the motivation to go any further. The excitement of being "this size" is gone... I've been this size for a year. The thrill of being able to "do things" is over... I can do things I never thought imaginable... and I've been doing them for a year.
I get all excited, get back into things, it lasts a whole week, and then I'm all... eh, what ever... What IS that?!? Where's my drive? What happened to the girl who was SO dedicated that she freaked if she gained 3oz? NOW, I gain 6lbs, and shrug it off. Work out, eat right, it's gone in a few weeks.
Have I given up? It's hard losing the last 25 pounds... Am I happy with where I am? I'm not sure... Do I think my goal is unattainable? Maybe... Do I REALLY need to fit into those size 8 jeans? They don't look nearly as small as they used to...
Maybe I've just gotten lazy. Maybe I really don't want or care to lose the rest of the weight. I've already changed my life and I'm healthier than I've ever been. I know this is a lifestyle, and I think I've been able to actually live my life for the last year and maintain that healthy lifestyle.
Maybe I just need to adjust my thinking. Maybe it isn't about losing weight at this point... maybe it needs to be about getting stronger and faster. Maybe I just need to continue eating right most of the time, continue to ST and keep up on my 5k's. Does it matter if I lose another ounce... I don't know...
If anyone's still reading, I love you guys