Tuesday, March 26, 2013
As I was laying in bed today I was thinking of all my ridiculous excuses for not working out. I mean some I feel hold some legitimacy and others are just plain dumb. Like if I work out then Iíll have to wash my hair again. Seriously? Thatís not even an excuse. If washing your hair is such an inconvenience we have a problem people. I mean I can understand the ĎIím tired, I donít want to wake up any earlier than I have to, etcí. I mean they are still useless and skirting the issue but those have some weight to the excuse. Oh and the ĎIíll do it tomorrowí is driving me nuts. Do you know how many Ďtomorrowsí I have had? I have used that one to make me feel better about skipping a workout since December. Do you know how much weight I could have lost if I would have just started then? Well maybe not because the food thing is a struggle for me for whatever reason but at the very least I would feel better than I do know and wouldnít have gained weight.
Iím so frustrated with myself. And itís pointless because the frustration makes me feel worse and makes me want to eat and be lazy and feel bad for myself. I know I have overcome a lot but I donít need a buy to not workout or eat right. Just because you have had a tough time that is not an excuse to be easy on yourself or not do what you should do. I feel like Iím chasing my tail and in the cycle that is driving me crazy. Itís a cycles of tomorrows and starting over and excusing my behavior and IíM NOT GETTING ANYWHERE. But hashing over all that wonít do me any good so I have to accept what I have done to myself and then MOVE ON.
One of the steps to moving on is being honest with myself and not letting myself get by with all the BS. I have to have a little bit of tough love and not be able to talk myself out of doing what I know I need to do. Iím going to set goals that are attainable and work toward them. One will be signing up for some races. I know Iím going to do the half-marathon in October and Iíll sign up for at least 3 other races between now and then (5k or10ks). Iím hoping the weather will finally stabilize and I can get outside and run again and soon. I miss it so much. I know I have to start small and not overwhelm myself but the point is I have to START.
Another step for me is dealing with the emotional turmoil Iím feeling right now. I have tried to not deal with it and itís just making things worse. I feel like Iím stalled and at 31 not even remotely where I should be in life. But where *should* I be? I have no freaking clue. Iím sitting here waiting for my life to start but hereís a little secret ITíS ALREADY STARTED! Itís happening, as we speak and I canít keep waiting. Waiting to lose weight, waiting to get the job of my dreams, waiting to do all the things I want to accomplish in my life. Iím waiting and Iím tired of waiting. A friend of mine pointed out that my life is happening right now and me waiting for it to start isnít going to keep things from happening. I have to live it now and not in this limbo area that I have been in for the last few years. The limbo area is driving me f-ing crazy.
Ok thanks for listening to my little rant against myself. Here I am. Starting again and refusing to give up on myself. Iím worth figuring it all out. No matter how much a pain in the @ss I can be :)