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    BRANDNEWBUFFY   77,952
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Tuesday Wake Up Call


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

As I was laying in bed today I was thinking of all my ridiculous excuses for not working out. I mean some I feel hold some legitimacy and others are just plain dumb. Like if I work out then Iíll have to wash my hair again. Seriously? Thatís not even an excuse. If washing your hair is such an inconvenience we have a problem people. I mean I can understand the ĎIím tired, I donít want to wake up any earlier than I have to, etcí. I mean they are still useless and skirting the issue but those have some weight to the excuse. Oh and the ĎIíll do it tomorrowí is driving me nuts. Do you know how many Ďtomorrowsí I have had? I have used that one to make me feel better about skipping a workout since December. Do you know how much weight I could have lost if I would have just started then? Well maybe not because the food thing is a struggle for me for whatever reason but at the very least I would feel better than I do know and wouldnít have gained weight.

Iím so frustrated with myself. And itís pointless because the frustration makes me feel worse and makes me want to eat and be lazy and feel bad for myself. I know I have overcome a lot but I donít need a buy to not workout or eat right. Just because you have had a tough time that is not an excuse to be easy on yourself or not do what you should do. I feel like Iím chasing my tail and in the cycle that is driving me crazy. Itís a cycles of tomorrows and starting over and excusing my behavior and IíM NOT GETTING ANYWHERE. But hashing over all that wonít do me any good so I have to accept what I have done to myself and then MOVE ON.

One of the steps to moving on is being honest with myself and not letting myself get by with all the BS. I have to have a little bit of tough love and not be able to talk myself out of doing what I know I need to do. Iím going to set goals that are attainable and work toward them. One will be signing up for some races. I know Iím going to do the half-marathon in October and Iíll sign up for at least 3 other races between now and then (5k or10ks). Iím hoping the weather will finally stabilize and I can get outside and run again and soon. I miss it so much. I know I have to start small and not overwhelm myself but the point is I have to START.

Another step for me is dealing with the emotional turmoil Iím feeling right now. I have tried to not deal with it and itís just making things worse. I feel like Iím stalled and at 31 not even remotely where I should be in life. But where *should* I be? I have no freaking clue. Iím sitting here waiting for my life to start but hereís a little secret ITíS ALREADY STARTED! Itís happening, as we speak and I canít keep waiting. Waiting to lose weight, waiting to get the job of my dreams, waiting to do all the things I want to accomplish in my life. Iím waiting and Iím tired of waiting. A friend of mine pointed out that my life is happening right now and me waiting for it to start isnít going to keep things from happening. I have to live it now and not in this limbo area that I have been in for the last few years. The limbo area is driving me f-ing crazy.

Ok thanks for listening to my little rant against myself. Here I am. Starting again and refusing to give up on myself. Iím worth figuring it all out. No matter how much a pain in the @ss I can be :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NOTABOUTHEFACE 4/2/2013 4:31AM

    Since I'm late to the party I can't really offer anything better than everyone else has said, just to say I can relate on the washing your hair thing! LOL It is annoying. If only our heads didn't sweat so we could just "wash up" if we were hanging out for the night! HA!

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KATYDID412 3/27/2013 9:26AM

    Try to focus on one thing at a time. Don't think of the mountain of things you want to change about your life now. Focus on one of them. Change it, and move on to the next. Break the mountain down into moguls. Eventually, if you put all the moguls together, they'll make Mt. Everest, but it'll be behind you because you already will have summited and you'll be on the way back to base camp.

Hope you were able to stay with me through that metaphorical tangent.

You can do this!

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ATTACKFATCAT 3/26/2013 9:59PM

    31 and waiting on life to start....lol, I've been there, done that this year. The best advice I can give, and trust me, I KNOW this is hard is: focus on what you can control right now and don't sweat what you can't control. Weight loss? You can control what you do today in terms of exercise and food choices. But you can't control what the scale is going to say 2, 3 weeks right now or a month right now. So focus on each day's choices and how much better you feel when you exercise and eat right. Set those race goals and work toward those. Dream job? You can control applying for jobs, interviewing, and networking. You can't control a company's hiring decision. Just know if they don't choose you, I guarantee you wouldn't have been happy working there anyway. That definitely wouldn't be your dream job. There is a dream job out there for you, but unfortunately you can't force it to happen on your terms.

Trust me, if you keep waiting for the stars to align so you can begin your life, you are going to still be waiting for a while to come. I've felt like I've finally started to live these last few years, even though I'm not yet a teacher, my boyfriend lives two hours away, and I still struggle with feeling stuck sometimes. Yet I've focused on things that I can control and I know the other parts will fall into place when they are ready.

It's not easy by any stretch, I know. But I promise the more you work at doing that, the easier it gets.

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PLATINUM755 3/26/2013 3:47PM

    I've come up with some good ones myself. It sounds like you are trying to work out in the mornings and yes the logic is sound, do it an get it out of the way. If it's better to do something in the evening, then start building your consistency there. Find the place in your your emoticon attitude is strongest and the positive rewards from what you accomplish is contagious. It's one day at a time, one step at a time. The shift from evening to morning, as that seems to be a goal, will come! emoticon

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LILY_SPARK 3/26/2013 2:47PM

    'have to wash my hair'

That's pretty funny! But you know, I've done that myself. For me, it's not about washing but to 'do' my hair takes 30 minutes... so, do I have an hour to workout, 10 minutes to shower and 30 minutes to do my hair? THAT is legitimate! :D

Anyway... talk about waiting? I sit here thinking, 'when they die' -- seriously. How morbid is that but it's also sort of true. I can choose to keep caregiving or I can choose to be a d1ck. Nothing really wrong with the latter, it's just a choice. I'd probably have a much more FUN life but I'd also be running around, working (knowing me), so it's just life -- whichever I choose. I've been lucky to have a relationship with my parents after the childhood I didn't have. I'm truly happy that I've had something.

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TEXASLYNN 3/26/2013 1:55PM

    LOL I feel the same lots of mornings and wish I was 31 instead of 63. Hang in there!

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__AMY__ 3/26/2013 1:19PM

  I had to smile at the hair reference. I can relate to that.

Amy

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SAASHA17 3/26/2013 1:14PM

    WOMAN..get out of that FUNK!! its not helping or doing any good..up and about now....i want to get a message from u saying u worked out....come on..u kow the benefits..life is good..u have A...a loving meowshine...and so much more in life....come on feel better and get moving!!

hugs
Manasa

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