Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Last night I went out to dinner with my family for my birthday. Oddly enough, I didn't want to go. I didn't even want to hang out with them. I just wanted to go home and be left alone. I wanted to try cooking some chicken in my new skillet. I wanted to get some more cleaning done. I wanted to just chill and read a book or play a video game or watch a movie...
But my family wanted to celebrate my birthday, probably because that's what they thought I wanted. I tried to keep my spirits up, but I was cranky. It didn't help that Dad was cranky too and all he did was complain. I just kept quiet and waited for it to be over. I went to bed at a decent time and I feel rested today, but still crabby.
Tonight I agreed to visit my aunt and uncle to play some Euchre. I love playing Euchre, but I have a feeling tonight is going to be an awful lot like last night. Me stuck doing something I really don't want to, just because it seems to please others. Story of my life.
Regardless of those plans, I am still running tonight, and I am still cooking my chicken in my pan and eating at home. I think it will be nice enough to run outside, so that will save me the effort of going to the gym.
*le sigh* My boyfriend forgot my birthday. I think he would have let them entire day go by without saying hi if I hadn't said something... which would have been the first day we didn't talk at all since we met. I'm pretty depressed because I think he's losing interest. I should be used to it - I usually am. The last guy I dated, when he lost interest, I didn't really care. But this guy... he's so different and I'm so crazy about him. I've never met anyone like him. He's responsible and smart and fun and handsome and likes a lot of the same things I do and is close with his family and thinks family is important and... Whatever. If I lose him, I will be very hurt. But I guess I'm kind of gearing up for it. Because it feels like it's coming. I know how I act when I've had enough of someone. So when I see that behavior coming from someone else...
insert heartbreaking here
Please please please just let it be overwork, or something else. Please please please don't let him just be done with me.
But at the same time, if it's not going to work out, I want to know sooner than later.