Finding the balance
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
I started out last summer like gangbusters, I worked hard and eventually got my walking/jogging up to a point that I was doing it almost daily, I was feeling better in general and starting to see a few changes in my body. After the first few days of feeling blah, I got my first big burst of energy which evened out after a few days, and I noticed a slow upward level of energy in my day to day activities.
I didn't pay much attention to the fact that after I would zip through as much as I could possibly do during the week, I would spend most of the day on Sundays sitting on the couch. Most of the time I would be sleeping or dozing on and off, only getting up for necessities.
I felt selfish all of the time. All my beau heard for months on end was MY weight, MY diet, MY exercise, MY aches and pains, ALL about walking and jogging ALL of the time, MY worries that I wasn't working hard enough to meet MY goals. I knew what I sounded like but was unable to stop myself. I felt like if I wasn't ALL about ME, then I was going to fail.
My beau is very supportive and constantly reassured me that I was NOT being selfish.
For me, excessive sleeping is a major signal that my depression is not being kept in check. I was so focused on my outside, I wasn't paying enough attention to my inside. I emotionally exhausted myself which made me be harder on myself physically because I was determined to win some imaginary war with myself.
Then right at the beginning of December, I got sick. It went from what I thought was an allergy attack to the flu that went around....then I thought it was the plague for sure...then I was positive I was going to die.
All in all, I was sick for about 4 weeks and another 2 weeks after that I was just drained of energy. I tried to get out and walk a couple of times but had cut the walks short. Then we made the decision to move and I was busy making all the preparations for that.
All in all, I have been off of my gangbuster routine for about 4 months now. Lets see where it has gotten me....(both being on routine and off)
Don't forget to live life. After all, you are doing this so you CAN live life, right?
My body WILL heal itself if I give it the tools to do so. Good food, plenty of water and exercise.
I don't have to burn my candle at both ends to get things done. I will take time to appreciate all that is around me.
Since I started on my new path, I have been one of those who weigh myself daily, in the mornings. I do NOT let it set my mood for the day, and while I may get frustrated that I don't see the nice, big losses that some people do, I have gotten to where I appreciate those 1 pound losses.
It has also taught me that my weight WILL NOT be the same each day, even if my diet and portions are exactly the same. We are just not built like that.
I started at 310 in June 2012, and hit my current low of 278 in December.
Since then, I have watched my weight bounce daily between 278 and 285. DAILY.
The fluctuation doesn't bother me. For right now, that is my range until I start losing again.
I KNOW what I need to do to lose and what I need to do to maintain. Most of my eating habits have held on. I don't consider myself 'On a diet'. This IS my diet, this is what I eat/drink on a daily basis. When I am thirsty, I automatically reach for water but I don't beat myself up for having the occasional second cup of coffee made just how I like it!
I have been able to get out for a walk here and there and my new job requires me to be on my feet for my entire shift. Right now, my feet are not too terribly happy with that fact, but my mind is. I am happier in the fact that I hurt when I get home because I was using my body instead of sitting on my butt for 8-ish hours a day.
It feels good to look down and see that I automatically filled my dinner plate halfway up with salad!
Life is a balancing act, I will give myself time to find the balance and won't fret too much if I stumble. I only fail when I stop getting back up.