Monday, March 25, 2013
I went for my run right after work tonight. Took Lulu. My mp3 player died just under half way though. Now I've got to find the charging cable. I don't know why, but this one is always a problem for me. I can never seem to find it. And it's not just a regular usb cable. No, that would make my life far too easy.
Anyhow, I got home stressed. When I'm stressed, I'm angry. Hubby heard me stressing out as I was stumbling around the place.
He came out of the tub stressed. He wouldn't say anything, but I pulled it out of him. He was upset because I got home from my run so stressed out.
Ten minutes later, endorphins started to kick in. I was acting silly and was able to cheer hubby up. But it didn't last too long. It really struck me. I'm only stressing hubby out. I get that I'm stressed out and angry all the time lately. But if it's going to do the same to hubby, something's gotta give.
I can't do this to him. He's a generally happy person. Even in the mornings. I've never seen a happier person in my life.
However, I'm changing that. I don't like that.
I just don't know how to change it. If I'm stressed and angry, I vent. I don't keep it inside. I don't pretend it's not there. If I even try to, it only gets worse.
I guess I've seen this coming for a while now. He's a clean freak - I'm not. I'm not a complete slob, but I sure do tend to go that way. He has no concept of depression - I'm a walking ball of depression these days.
Any suggestions? The "pretend it's not that way" or "just don't get angry" won't work. I don't know what to do.