Monday, March 25, 2013
I find that if I blog on a fairly consistent basis, I am likely to take this journey seriously. So here I am, writing a blog because it's been 10 days and I am feeling a little out of sorts. I suppose "conflicted" is a better word.
Things are good. The kids are on spring break. One is visiting his girlfriend in Wisconsin. The other is home with me and hoping to see two of her friends who are visiting nearby for spring break. So the routine is gone for the week. That's where the "conflicted" part comes in. This is supposed to be a carefree happy week and I worry my daughter will be bored or that her friends will flake out, that I will eat all the wrong stuff and not exercise and that my son will come back depressed. Why can't I just go with the flow?
I did my first race in over a year on Saturday. It was a 10K and I am happy with my performance. I did think it would be easier than it was but I am happy that I finished and didn't want to die. I guess I feel conflicted about it because of the overblown expectations that loomed in my head. "You can go faster! You've done half marathons! A 10K should be a breeze!" Why isn't it enough that I did the race and finished?
So it's the first day of spring break and I treated myself to some cookies and chocolate chips. They didn't even taste good. I guess that's what the "conflicted" part of me does. When things are out of sorts or the routine is broken or I think things aren't the way they should be or I am worried about how things will play out, then I indulge in sugar because it's immediate satisfaction. I can't control the other stuff. I can't shake the icky feelings. But sugar tastes so good! Why can't I learn to sit with a little unpleasantness? Goodness, it's not an emergency or crisis but I sometimes run to sugar like it is.
That's what's on my mind today. I know I need to STOP now. No more chocolate chips. No more cookies. I am not hungry. I am not in the middle of a crisis. Everything is fine. In fact, everything is pretty darn good. It's time to recognize that and back away from the slippery slope.