I ended up taking a break this weekend from training. I was extremely sore on Friday. Saturday I was still pretty sore in my abs. Plus B got back early from his business trip so I didn't have time to squeeze in a workout before I drove up to visit him. And yesterday was my planned rest day. I'm not feeling too guilty about it. Took a lot of naps and spent some fantastic quality time with B even though we had a short weekend together. I have been sleeping at least 8 hours all week and I still slept a solid 10-11 hours Friday night. I was EXHAUSTED.
Plus, I managed to be productive. I didn't just sit on the couch all night. I ended up reorganizing my food pantry. I got two loads of dishes and my laundry done. I swept, scrubbed out the cats' water fountain, and straightened up my kitchen. I have been rather unproductive for a while, and one of the reasons I wanted to start exercising was to try to get a little more energy to get stuff done around the house. Unfortunately, the crazy training schedule I've had has not given me much opportunity to do that. So I plan to change that starting this week. The majority of my workouts are going to be shifted to mornings so that I have at least 1-2 nights a week where I just go straight home. I'm still not allowed to sit on that couch until 7-7:30 or so, which will give me about an hour and a half to get some things accomplished. I'm hoping seeing the organized pantry will help with my motivation.
So far, so good. This has been a more productive Monday than I've had for a long time. Got my college loans consolidated. Need to file my state return taxes, but they are ready for a trip to the post office. I finally ordered some new air filters, a new router, and other essentials for the house. Paid my electric and water bills. I'm definitely getting what needs to be a productive week off to a good start.
Today is a unique little anniversary for me. As of today, it has been two years since my divorce. And the difference in my life is absolutely astounding. I had already been making progress with my self-confidence and losing weight, but I took a big hit when I found out about my ex-husband's affair. While it took a long time for me to figure out that he was not worth fighting for, I am proud of myself that I was strong enough at the time to tell him that I would NOT be second best for any man. At first he kept waffling on whether he wanted a divorce or not, but at one point I caught him on the cell phone with her talking about inappropriate things (best way to put it, I suppose). That was my breaking point. I told him the rules had changed and that *I* wanted a divorce. I could've cared less about what he wanted at that point. I knew I didn't deserve any of that, no matter how hard he tried to blame me for his affair.
I'm thrilled to say that after two years, I am happier than I've ever been. This day is a CELEBRATION for me. On March 25, 2011, I finally stopped settling for a man and instead started seeking someone deserving of me. It hasn't been easy and I've had moments of insecurity and a few bad relationships, but the time it took me to realize that I was settling for someone not worth my time was MUCH shorter. Like a few months vs. 5 years difference, lol.
And I was happier even before I started dating B. I finally figured out how to be happy on my own, even if my life wasn't where I wanted it to be right at that moment. I remembered where I was at two-three years ago and how miserable I was. How depressed and useless I felt. How undeserving of someone who values and respects me. I know that regardless of how my life is now, it's way better than it used to be.
And it is a scary thing to finally date someone who DOES value and respect you after so many years of settling. B has been amazing. He truly listens to me. He respects my opinion. He values me for me. He has never made me feel inferior or "below" him. While we don't agree on everything, we have not fought once this past year. He has NEVER picked on me with a cruel or snide remark. When he does make a joke, it's always kind and never meant to hurt me. And I give it right back to him. He has been the gentlest, kindest, most respectful man I have ever been with and I am just over the moon about it. It's taking us both a long time to trust each other and open up, but that just continues to bring us closer together as time goes on and I'm more confident in how I feel about him because of that.
Even if something happened between us, though, I know I'd be OK. It would hurt, but it would not be the end of the world. I would survive. I know I would never settle again. Because now that I've finally experienced it, regardless of my own insecurities, I know I don't deserve any less than how I'm being treated now.
I've been listening to this song a lot during my workouts, which pretty much sums up how I feel on this anniversary of the moment I started to truly find my own happiness: