Monday, March 25, 2013
This is a NO-JUDGEMENT ZONE so if you are prone to high-horse tendencies, please exit now.
Sorry to be so dramatic but I had a moment yesterday that made me look at my OWN self sideways. It was one of those things where you didn't even know you do something and once you do, you think, "I ought to be ashamed of myself!" Kind of like picking boogies when no one is watching and taking the time to assess it before flicking it away.
I have these Invisalign braces and part of the requirements is that you have to brush and floss immediately after each meal and then put them back in; you can only have them out for 2 hours a day. Well I have been following the rules but I was beginning to find myself waiting a moment before brushing my teeth. Yesterday was day 5 and at one point I almost felt sad/annoyed/frustrated that I had to go brush my teeth after my lunch. Why? It wasn't because I mind brushing and flossing. THis is where is gets kinda gross:
I like tasting the food on my teeth. I like being able to find little trinkets of leftovers a little bit after my meal so that I can experience the goodness again. I am a sick individual.
When I made the concious decision to sit on my bed after eating and run my tongue over my teeth and pick at my molars and lick my lips for a good fifteen minutes AFTER I finished eating, it struck me. I am supposed to have my alligners in, I should be brushing my teeth. I immediately thought, I am not about to brush away this goodness; it would be like erasing how good the food was. I can wait until the flavor dissipates from my mouth and THEN brush. I am not going to lie, I felt dirty about it, but I didn't care. I then started to think through my life and ask myself is this something that i have always done. Of course it is. It was an unconscious habit that I have had. My mouth rituals were a part of the food experience for me. Food has never been about sustainibility or nutrition for me. This is all new to me. The thought of brushing my teeth so soon after eating felt like sacrilage.
I am sure I have left a bad taste in your mouth and I probably could have kept this to myself. But this is my truth and it just may be someone elses. In this weightloss journey, you discover so much about yourself that you didn't even know was there. Don't get me wrong, I am a very hygenic person and even border on OCD in some areas of my life. But this revelation showed me how much food had overtaken me without me even knowing it.