Sabotage comes in many forms. Friends and family... strangers... and from yourself. Lately I feel like I've been giving in trying to please everyone and not taking a stand for myself.
I did this with food before... and I got fat.
I'm doing this now with my dissertation... so am I f***ing up my graduation?
Basically, the house is off my worries list. It ate up a chunk of time getting it cleaned and staged. AND dealing with my family coming down to help. That was stress. We heard back on Thursday that it appraised for what we needed it to appraise for (higher than I thought possible) -- so now we're just waiting for the contract and figuring out a closing date. I wouldn't mind getting rid of it sooner (hello less bills!) but I also kind of need it to work on my thesis and focus in a place of calm. So... yea. I have no idea what the plan is there. I should find out soon though.
Last weekend (two ago) I went home to go to a hockey game with TJ for his birthday. It was fun, but I didn't get a lot done and my parents were super crabby with me. (I really don't want to move home, ugh) I also spent time with my dad, TJ, and his stepdad because I knew it would be something they would all enjoy = instead of working on my thesis.
This past Thursday I went home after work to watch the 5 dogs at my parents house (my 2 and their 3) while they went to a wedding in Chicago... I got some stuff done, but not nearly enough. I ended up driving back Saturday though to beat the snow *good thing I did. I managed to get some work stuff done on Sunday, but again = I feel like I'm slacking. Where is my motivation? I'm thinking about making a board to motivate myself. Job, money, new house, wedding = all things that require me to graduate and get off to StL. Pretty good motivation to spend time with TJ on a regular basis... but do to that I have to finish my thesis!
Ugh. So next weekend my parents wanted me to come back again. They're going to Kentucky to get their new boat from the showroom and look at the cabin they are getting built. They're retiring there, so they made some crazy decisions to buy land in Kentucky near the Lake and get a pontoon boat... So they want to go look at their new toys now that they can put it in the water -- but there are 5 dogs at their house. My sister is watching them from Tuesday on, but she wanted me to come home. My friends want me to come home and hang out. TJ wants me to drive in and spend time together.
Finally I was just like NO. No to my parents -- I can't spend 3 weekends in a row in StL. No to my sister = you're going to be there 3 days, what's 4.5? No to TJ = if you want to spend time, drive to my house. No to the bad voices in my head telling me I'm not going to graduate. Hell I want to graduate just to prove my boss wrong.
So with that I'm stopping the sabotage. Food choices lately haven't been horrible. I say that, but they also haven't been great. I'm still not calorie restricting (still waiting on the dumb arm to heal) so I don't feel guilty about my diet. I tried to eat doritos because I was craving them.... gross. Doritos breath and stomach pains = grains are evil!
So I'm on the high-protein train. Its been fun. I'm slowly easing myself into low carb, high protein dieting via a modified Paelo diet. I'm not going keto, that's for sure, at least for now, since I'm healing up -- but I'm thinking about doing it short term to drop some fat off my frame.
Workouts have felt amazing lately. I figure I'm eating at a caloric excess, by a little, so its the perfect time to weight lift and do strength training.
Anyway, that's it. I feel like I've been super busy but not super productive... so I am annoyed with myself. Here's to making it a good week and finishing March out strong!
(Also, not for the faint of heart = here's what my arm wound progress looks like = imgur.com/a/AVdel