Monday, March 25, 2013
I'm still here!
Sometimes it feels like that's my tagline to life, especially in this last year or so. I've been struggling with a deep, unshakable depression that I keep telling myself is situational, but I think that once you start keeping track in terms of years it's hard to convince yourself that it isn't "real" depression.
I'm really trying. Some days are worse than others, and some weeks are generally remembered as a thick grey haze while I'm stumped as to where the time went. I notice that I tend to feel a little better after an hour or so of cardio, but when you feel like nothing is important it's hard to convince yourself to workout.
I'm still trying. I'm still getting on the treadmill even if I don't want to. I'm still telling myself that I need to eat, loading up with vegetables and fruit despite not really tasting anything. I'm still here. I feel like I'm just going through the motions in a giant, meaningless puppet show of life, but I'm still here.
I'm still here.