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    NIKORI   26,480
25,000-29,999 SparkPoints

Still Trudging Along

Monday, March 25, 2013

I'm still here!

Sometimes it feels like that's my tagline to life, especially in this last year or so. I've been struggling with a deep, unshakable depression that I keep telling myself is situational, but I think that once you start keeping track in terms of years it's hard to convince yourself that it isn't "real" depression.

I'm really trying. Some days are worse than others, and some weeks are generally remembered as a thick grey haze while I'm stumped as to where the time went. I notice that I tend to feel a little better after an hour or so of cardio, but when you feel like nothing is important it's hard to convince yourself to workout.

I'm still trying. I'm still getting on the treadmill even if I don't want to. I'm still telling myself that I need to eat, loading up with vegetables and fruit despite not really tasting anything. I'm still here. I feel like I'm just going through the motions in a giant, meaningless puppet show of life, but I'm still here.

I'm still here.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
NIKORI 3/25/2013 7:12AM

    Thanks, Sparkers. I'm in the middle of trying to find a new doctor - my last one recently had his license revoked for creepy reasons, so I'm a little leery in my new hunt. I'm going to see if we have any programs through our health department at work; I'm worried about taking pills due to all the side effects, but I should probably see what my options are before preemptively giving up. Thanks again.

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WELLNESSME09 3/25/2013 6:57AM

    Great advise from DMEYER4, you should see your doctor. emoticon

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DMEYER4 3/25/2013 6:52AM

  you should really talk to your doctor about your depression. Just remember you are worth it. you need to start loving yourself and then nothing else will matter. You really are special. Hope you feel better soon,

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