Sunday, March 24, 2013
I have two blessings, and next to my husband, they are the best and most amazing gifts God has ever given to me. I did not know how much I could love someone until my children came into my life.
The following list is things I think about for my kids almost every day, and this morning when I was getting ready for church I went through them in my head.
-Are they getting enough sleep?
-Am I feeding them balanced meals with real whole foods?
-Are they getting in their milk, vegetables, fruit? (Carbs are never a problem--ha!)
-Did they get outside and get some fresh air and sunshine?
-If the weather was bad, did I find something active they could do indoors?
-Did I read the Bible to them today? Did I pray with them today? Did we sing our hymn?
-Am I doing a good job educating them? (We are homeschoolers.)
-Are they doing too many scheduled things? Do they need to do something structured? Do they need more time just to play?
I think of all of these things and more they pertains to my children. I also think similar things when I think of my spouse (is he getting enough rest? etc.)
Most of all, I want them to know how precious they are, how much they are loved. Did I attend to their emotional needs? Was I kind to them? If I wasn't, did I ask their forgiveness?
Here was my "AHA" moment (I'm finally getting to it here....)
Why do I care for these things so much for my kids, and I don't for myself? Why do I feel like sleep is a waste of time? Why do I think it is okay to binge on food and throw all sorts of junk into my body? Why do I think hateful thoughts toward myself all day? I pretty much (at least in my head) treat myself FAR worse than I ever would consider treating my children.
And yet I am loved so dearly. I have a heavenly Father who loves me so much that He sent His Son to die for me (John 3:16)! I am so precious to Him (Ps. 139). I have a husband who loves me dearly and accepts me unconditionally. I have parents and siblings who care about me, as well as extended family. Dear friends and my church family too!
Why do I despise myself so much?
I need to get off this train. My mind needs some renewing in this area....I have thought life patterns that have plagued me for years. By continuing in these patterns and thinking of myself (and even verbalizing these thoughts in front of my husband and children at times, I am being a poor example to my children of "living loved".
Why don't I say kindly to myself at night: "You need to go to bed and get some rest so you'll have a good day tomorrow." (That's what I say to my kids.)
Why don't I say to myself "If you eat this food it will help you be healthy and grow strong" (That's what I say to my kids.) Why binge on mixtures of butter and sugar and only hurt myself? Why don't I have myself memorize some Scripture, just as I see that they get their verses memorized?
I need to think about this some more......