Who Am I? Who Do I See in the Mirror?
Sunday, March 24, 2013
NOMORESTALLING wrote a blog a few days and she shared a poem about the Gal in the Mirror. I'm trying to figure out who is the gal I see in the mirror. What is it that I say to myself everyday? I think most days it's actually quite positive. I wake up happy and rested. I'm usually ready to take on the day. I see Kind eyes. I like the bottle of hair colour I have chosen. My usual smile that I'm known for is returning. ( lost it for awhile d/t a surgery last year.) I often wonder if body is salvageable when I win this battle. I actually think it will be. I have very few stretch marks. Perhaps it will be saggy? I'm not overly concerned with that either. I'll cross that bridge if its necessary. So I think these are all good things. So what's the problem?
One last look in the mirror before I go out into the world....oh gosh I really NEED to loose wt. I look to be one big blob in even the most stylish of clothes. Hard to define where the ladies end and the abdomen starts. Cellulite legs. Oh well time to go. Then I start out the day with a quick and usually healthy breakfast. So far this seems just honest.
I long ago quit running from the camera. Most of the time I'm behind the camera capturing family and other momentous events. I know the value of those pictures in the years to come. I smile when it's pointed at me and hope for the best.
Last week the cold hard truth came and slapped me in the face not just once but three times.
I actually love this years springs fashions. I was looking for a spring dress. No stylish dress to be had for this 2 x girl. Okay, I need a bra I will get that. Most of mine have the underwire poking through. They work hard harnessing the girls. Only one store sold the necessary 40 DDD. It was very expensive and not on sale like all the other cute ones. Yeah I know I could order a dress or bra from here or there. I flippn' don't want too! I want to buy it at the Mall!!! I best not even try to put into words my frustration with this. It's not for polite company. So I bought NOTHING!!! The wire can just keep poking me and I'll wear black all summer if I have too! I know try to look best at whatever size you are. Yes, I do try most days. But I'm pizzled right now and on a rant!
Last but not least I looked at several,pics holding and loving my new granddaughter. I even wanted those pics taken. What the beep I didn't even recognize that mound of blob holding that precious babe.
Make it 4 things. I was also in the newspaper this week, front page to be exact! I was representing something near and dear to my heart. All blobish 248 lbs. of me.
I'm sure others wonder what happened to me. " She was the class president, homecoming queen etc." Though uncoordinated and non athletic I had a pretty nice body. I started gaining wt after high school and never stopped. Why? I don't really know. I suppose I had more opportunities to eat out or buy what I wanted to eat/snack on. I didn't exercise. Never thought about it. I just knew I stunk at sports. Now 30 years later I'm 100 plus lbs overweight.
I am a good Wife. A loving Mother and Grandmother. I'm a great Nurse. I'm a church leader. I'm a trustworthy human rights advocate. I'm a funny and caring friend. I write in my Gratitude journal frequently. My Gratitude flows easily.
Not sure if I should or shouldn't analyze this situation any further. All I know is that I need to make progress that shows on the scale. I'm eating more nutrient filled foods and exercising more. Consistency and portion control are my biggest obstacles.
So yes, I have cheated and robbed that Gal I see in the mirror everyday. She deserves better. I have loads of book knowledge how to overcome this. I can even share some advise that would seem quite sound. in fact I'm pretty sure it is. I have a real level head and a can be a great motivator and encourager. The support from my wonderful Spark Friends is phenomenal. My real life friends are great too. And the wisdom on this site can't be beat.
So is the hold up.? I need to quit cheating this nice girl!!!!!!
The problem is I don't know how to help the gal in the mirror.