The lack of support , interest from my bf is getting to me . It kills my fight when I need support and I dont have it . I really have to dig deep and find the strength.. Which isnt something Im new too..
It hurts because this is my other half , planning on getting married and yet here I am and I cant get the support from my bf and nor can I express how I am feeling with out getting judged or having it turn into a fight .
, 3 days in a row now .. I'm over it
I dont have a ipad,laptop,desktop.... never got a ipad , though i really wanted one , i wanted a kindle but i got my bf one instead.. didnt replace my laptop but i got my bf one , neither of those am i allowed to used either ... which is like wtf. he doesnt really use the laptop which kinda makes me mad it just sits there ... and yet i cant use it . As for my desktop I gave my mac to my mom because she needed a computer and I wanted her to have a good one .
Everything I do is on my iphone and when I am able to I use the work computer.
My bf has a issued with me on my phone all the time . Where what the heck there is a reason why I am on my phone all the time .
He got my mad about my facebook , he doesnt have one... i deleted my FB page to avoid the drama.
Instagram, I use that to look up fitsporation , i can see transformations and people share recipies and other things , i use that for inspiration and if i come across a good recipie i show him too ..
I am annoyed , I am p*ssed off.
I went vegetarian and april 9th will make 3 months and I have learned so much and i am being tested in more ways than I can count .
Its not easy
Its not easy eating clean and breaking old habbits and I think I am doing okay .. I have moments where I need the support to be like keep going youve come so far .. I dont get that from him .
Last night I had no food prepped at the house . I went to walmart to do a bit of easter basket shopping for the nieces and nephews .. Then I ended up trying to pick up food for dinner . Where I live there is shopping center with many places to eat and I was like where can I go...
A lot of places didnt even have a vegetarian option .
I had my bf on the phone and I vented and he said just eat fish ! EAT FISH
Keep in my mind I dont eat any type of meat any more ,including fish and eggs.
I continued to vent on how I didnt realize how non veggie friendly lots of places where i live are and I really have to sit and think of where to eat and even if I did find something to eat it most likely was unhealthy but a last resort to eat ..
I try super hard to make sure I stay away from the processed veggie foods bc thats a trigger food for me bc i just cant have 1 .. i need to eat 2-3 .. yah fail totally working on that
Bf wasnt helping much and i just hung up with him ..
Epic moment: ...
I sat on a bench and watched ppl walk past me and I cried .. I had to option I could either eat meat or find a way to eat something veggie mode ..
Then I had to tell my self to wise up and wake up because youve worked hard to get this far and you need to continue because even though its a slow process its helping your health ! So I wiped my eyes and got a boca burger from zippys...
Seems so simple but honstly i still crave meat
I just want support from my other half is that so hard to ask for .. seriously !
It looks like I will continue this journey alone as I always have and dig deep.
blessed to have a awesome fitspo community on instagram and sparky community.
everybody is so not judgmental and so supportive and it really does help , it really does .
if anybody has instagram mine is under puaokalani
which is my middle name .
anyways off to work i go
thank you for reading my venting