I've been very stressed for the past few weeks. Mostly work insecurities after my 'shockingly bad' surprising performance appraisal. Well, for me anyway. My overall rating was "Meets and Mostly Meets Expectations". WHAT????! MOSTLY? That means there were some I did NOT meet! How can THAT be???
The biggest ding was that I 'did not demonstrate' my accomplishments well enough. What the Heck???!
In school and at work I've always been the one with top grades and scores. I would relentlessly pound away at all costs (to me and my family) to get those A's in school and top rankings at work.
So what happened???
Last year I was focused on coping with HUGE changes in my personal life. Along with all the pre-work stuff for my RNY in Oct and then recovery after, we had MAJOR KICKING AND SCREAMING DRAMA getting my 88 yr old WWII Marine dad moved from his own place to assisted (aka 'Cruise Ship') living. My oldest dd graduated from college and decided to change colleges and go to Vet/Grad school. Still out of state.
My middle dd went off to college - also out of state.
Each one of these is a blog topic and major stress producer in itself. Combine all of them and we have a perfect storm for Patty to fall off her pedestal of perfection.
I'm still pondering this.
My mind immediately wants to go 'ALL or NOTHING'. That is, if I'm NOT perfect at everything, then I'm a FAILURE at everything.
So I took a time-out from my life Friday afternoon and Saturday and just did what I wanted to do- shopped a little Friday, read one of my favorite books "The Stand" by Stephen King. Stayed in bed reading paper and book all day & evening Sat. With occasional breaks to have meals/snacks with my youngest dd who was immersing herself in her favorite pass-times.
Only felt a little guilty cuz house was clean, laundry 99% done and dh was visiting middle dd at a softball tourney in New Mexico.
So rested and refreshed, I'm taking a mini-inventory of my stressors, successes and failures.
Surprisingly, I lost a pound. I'm now at the 85 pounds gone mark!
My dd's are happy in their college adventures
My dh is happy in his coaching and gardening passions
Youngest dd is happier in her middle school life (middle school is definitely NOT a happy time!) She made the volleyballl team and is playing softball and getting mostly A's and some B's
My dad is finally happy in his living situation and now has a girlfriend that he proudly announces at every chance.
She is nice and I'm happy for them.
As for my work stress- I'm praying about it every day and getting back to basics. Breaking projects into small tasks and being more 'nicely assertive' in 'demonstrating my accomplishments'. Also documenting them in a way that's easy for my boss to see 'at a glance'.
I feel a bit better executing this plan, but still stressed. I'm not binge eating like I used to do, but my cuticles are ripped, torn and ragged.
Don't bite my nails anymore like I did as a kid tho~~ :)
THANKS for your shoulders Spark Friends!