Ten Things I Hate About Binging
Sunday, March 24, 2013
I'm going to post this blog on my cupboard and try to refer to it when I get in that unstoppable mindset. Waking up the morning after a binge (a really big binge) has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. So here's a list of everything I really hate about what binge eating does to my body:
1. Heart palpitations and sweats from my body working so hard to digest all that extra food.
2. The salt hangover sensation in my mouth, like I haven't brushed my teeth in weeks.
3. The horrible empty/raw stomach feeling of the over production of acid in my belly.
4. Looking at all the wrappers in the trash and knowing what I have done.
5. Stinky, awful, putrid flatulence. I'm a walking sulfur bomb and it's disgusting.
6. The knowledge that no amount of hard exercise today is going to make up for what I ingested last night.
7. The feeling of the swing between hi and low blood sugar and the moods that the swing initiates.
8. Going to the fridge and realizing that I ate a bunch of things that I was saving for later.
9. Feeling lonely and depressed over what I've done. You can brag about exercise, you can't brag about binging.
10. The feeling of total lack of self control on top of the feeling of absolute control. I did exactly what I wanted to do, ate exactly what I wanted to eat and yet just couldn't stop myself from doing it.
All I can do now is move on and start over. Like I've tried to every time before. But ground zero is not a happy place to be. I've lost that happy place that got me this far and some days it feels like I'll never see it again. The things that worked for me before aren't working anymore, so I'm back to searching for the thing that will. And just trying not to destroy my progress thus far.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Hey there Miss Thang! What's going on with you? I'm back to SP and ready to kick major butt. Are you having a good month?
1412 days ago
I am recently recovering from a week long binge. During Spring break I traveled to Texas with my husband in his big rig. Stopping in truck stops all across the US. Such nutritious food available at those locations. (heavy sarcasm) Anyway, I'm thinking of having your 10 points tattooed on my forearm as a reminder. I've totally blown my 5% challenge weight loss streak. But, this is a new week and it's never too late to begin again. I hope you get your mojo back and jettison whatever issues are dragging you down forever. Your amazing, much admired joi de vivre can't stay MIA forever. Hang in there. Better times are ahead.
1425 days ago
Comment edited on: 3/31/2013 4:24:12 PM
I don't know if you follow SLIMKATIE's blog, Runsforcookies.com, but she recently wrote a really helpful blog about how she has been binge free for 6 months. It really struck a chord with me, so maybe it will with you as well:
1432 days ago
I hate to see you struggling like this because you truly have done AMAZING things for yourself. Like everyone has said before, we have all been at the place you are, so we can understand, but to understand is to get in touch with the "why"...I know you know in your heart, why you are struggling with the binging and getting back on track, and the "why" is the hardest thing to get in touch with. You have spent a lot of time on the why, and it deserves just as much time as eating right and exercising, I think sometimes more.
I have said it before, but I truly do care about your struggles and I hope everyday that you will get what you want, you just have to take it one day at a time.
You are amazing don't forget that...
1432 days ago
Right there with you honey. HUGS!
1432 days ago
I have been in this place too, and too often lately. I love your idea to keep a list where you can see it, as a reminder during those tough times. I am wondering how it would be to also create and post a list of all of your accomplishments and how far you've come on this journey. Maybe that would help remind you that you have done this, and you can do this. A road is never a straight line, we have the hills and valleys and that is the place where we learn how strong we are, and keep pushing forward. You have so much strength and heart - you will make it out of this valley. I saw you in Mile 23 was it of the marathon - you were all heart and your character was tested and revealed there. You have got this girl. I love you!
1433 days ago
Comment edited on: 3/24/2013 2:11:47 PM
A while back ... you wrote to me that (I paraphrase) "sometimes we just have to eat over or through things". That acceptance back then was a turn-key for me. Sometimes... yes. And then.... well... sometimes... no. Sometimes... we have what we need all along (insert wizard of oz/ruby slippers here).
Uncontrollable -- the robot, where-was-IEYEIEYE feeling-- absentee-ism binging is, for me the worst hangover of all.
Not showing up for myself.... and there are SO MANY WAYS that THIS IS WHAT it's about for me.... Is what that often hid... and still tries to hide.
It's ironic -- The capable, showing-up-for-others... the pushing through -- to achieve? or to prove? --- I've gotten lost in it.
For me... maintaining what I've (quote) "achieved" in weight loss .... is requiring Personal Growth in these ways.
Insides and Outsides / Outsides and Insides. What I think I know/knew... What I don't know at all.
Relationships in question. Work in question.
Reading Pema Chodron again. Often nurtures me.
Love to you
Today and Every day.
If you ever feel like meeting for tea or coffee or ....
Let me know
Warmth and compassion and acceptance and
1433 days ago
sure we've all been exactly where you are, not that it helps make you feel any better right now, but remembering you're not alone helps. No you can't brag about the binge but you don't need to feel alone with it either.
The only thing you can do is stop and start over. Stop the self punishing, stop looking at why you don't feel in the zone that spurred you to lose weight, stop looking back if it doesn't make you feel good etc etc etc, in fact just stop looking & just start over. You are where you are right now and you have to decide to just stop eating what you know you shouldn't in the way you shouldn't eat it (also applies to drinks) and set your plans. program & goals into motion. I'm telling you now that it's not worth wasting any more time feeling the way that you do! You take one day at a time, remove trigger foods (even if it's just getting someone to hide them away for now) surround yourself with the foods you know you can have lots of because when hunger strikes (which it does in abundance with volatile sugar spikes) you will be grateful to eat anything. It is hard going cold turkey (I went through this not a month ago & I felt like I was coming off drugs/drink) it is almost painful - but you have to decide if the hard work is worth it. Do you really want this? If you do then get cracking girly because it's right there waiting for you! Don't surround yourself with negative, only positive, not how bad you will feel bingeing but how good you will feel/look by working on this. Get tough with yourself by all means, but don't get mean & that's what we tend to do to ourselves when things are not going right. You should pin one of your heaviest pics of yourself alongside what you are like right now & celebrate what you are capable of! I'm telling you if you are in the frame of mind that sets a binge off, do you really think you'll stop and read your list & think twice? It's just more of a punishment for you right now whilst you already feel bad enough!
I think once a big goal like you had with the marathon is done and over it leaves you aimless, that combined with the life that you find you have due to more confidence meaning increased socialising etc leaves you with the why shouldn't I mentality that leads to increasing the amount of 'treat' items in your daily diet and so the cycle continues until you are consuming too much of not the healthy things. Of course life gets in the way, problems and situations arise but you have to start this plan from scratch again to be able to succeed. I'm sure when you started Spark initially you didn't think going completely healthy was great, that kind of gets coloured with the rose tinted glasses - it was always hard work, it was just the euphoria of exercising/healthy eating and the pounds lost totting up that carries you through the middle bit & yes once routines and habits are in place they do become easier in the main, it just means that you have to do the hard bit again and get your healthy habits back into being your biggest habit.
I really hope you manage to get back on track with your journey, to my mind you really have come too far to throw it all away. Remembering the difficulty you had in bending over and breathing at the same time fades with time & all the other reasons you started this journey initially doesn't work anymore for inspiration but if not that, then do you really want to have to buy all new clothes in the next sizes up? Not half as much fun as fitting into smaller clothes! Use whatever you can to make yourself do this, it's the only way - doing it! Especially when you can't find the reason to do it.
I've been saying this to myself for days/weeks but 'Today really is the first day of the rest of your life, make it count!'
Wishing you the very best of luck :) sorry I've gone on a bit too much, but I truly wish for you to succeed! :)
1433 days ago
Excellent idea! I've been there so many times.....
1433 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
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