Sunday, March 24, 2013
So I think they way to go is to get mad. I have been through every emotion. I have been through just about every diet plan and website.
Sparks people. I have started and stopped at least 10 times now
My Fitness Pal
Weight Watchers, on line and at home with those weird cardboard points counter things. Too much of a guy to ever go to a meeting.
I have done detox, I have done tons of personal training. Blah Blah. So much crap, when all I have to really do is just let it happen, and deal with all the emotional baggage that will come with it. I had all kinds of crazy stuff happen when I was a kid. And it all stuck. It stuck in the form of 243lbs and 5 foot 2 inches. It stuck everywhere. I tried numbing it all with a lot of food and alcohol, and weed. It didn't go anywhere. It just got worse. It didn't help that my reward system, was, wait for it, food. Jesus. My reward for doing anything good, was the thing that made me feel the worst to begin with. Great plan. So now I'm p'oed. I am sick of being like this. I am sick of being nervous to apply for jobs because of the small countries worth of food I have around my middle. I am sick of having to wear the same clothes to death because they are the only ones that fit. I am sick of having to stretch my shirts out so they hang so my gut and my large love handles don't make it look like I have swallowed an inner tube.
I know all this may sound a little harsh on my self, but so what. I have spent enough time taking it easy on my self, having some beers and a burger, and some fries, and and more beer, and then "forgetting" I was going to run that day. I need to be harsh. I want to be a personal trainer, but I can't even train myself. Well screw that. I am going to turn myself around from being an emotional wreck because I was a fat 15 year old, AND a fat 35 year old, and make it go away. I am done. (Also can't there be a section of this site where adults can be adults and swear? I swear when I am angry)