Saturday, March 23, 2013
Ladies and gentleman, I have called this press conference to make an important announcement. We can get started right away if you would all take your seats and please hold all questions and comments until the end.
Today I am here to announce that I quit! I give up! I am DONE! I am tired of this! I am not going to stand for it any longer! This is too frustrating and I am not going to do it any more!
Please please sit down and let me finish. I know that many of you are surprised and concerned but it is time for me to really be honest with myself.
When I started this journey, I was worried and afraid but I took one day at a time and made small changes. I started seeing lots of great changes in my energy level and the way that my clothes fit. I also began to see the number on the scale go down.
I began to reach out to others on the site as I got familiar with teams. I found many that were willing to help and encourage me.
As time went on, I began sharing my journey in blogs & vlogs and many came along for the ride. I learned much about myself and got lots of advise and inspiration from others.
Then I got too big for my britches. I started to think that I had this all in the bag and that I could fool around with the steps that were moving me forward. It went okay for a while but eventually, things started to slow and go down hill.
I hit a wall after having a huge anxiety attack that totally through me off the track. I lost my way. I couldn't get myself back on track. I began gaining weight and let's just say that there wasn't anything slow about it.
The holidays came and I thought that if I could get through the holidays without gaining a lot of weight, I could get back on track. I thought that the New Year would bring me a fresh start.
Okay it was a fresh start but I wasn't doing the things that I knew I needed to do. I was looking for that magic wand that would put me back on track and take the weight off. I got a wake up call. The New Year was only a new year. There was no magic wand. There was no getting back on track, truly. There was only more weight gain and frustration.
Then at the end of February, I decided that I needed to change my attitude and my thoughts and how I was speaking about myself. Now I can say that this was something that I really needed to do. The things that I had said about myself in the past and the things people had said that I had believed were still burned in my mind and I needed to change them to positive things.
Initially, I was doing well. The positive thinking was helping. I was even losing weight. Then...I hit the middle of the month and although I could talk the talk, the walk was getting harder and harder.
I began to eat to cover the negative. Instead of stopping the thoughts, I just began to eat more and more. The foods that I was turning away from, began to be my best friends.
Today I hit the hardest wall I have hit in a while. I hit the "I just want to quit wall"! This is the wall that tells you that you are never going to lose the weight and that the more that you try, the more you are going to do everything wrong and you will only get fatter and fatter.
I have tried not to have to start all over. I thought that if I rebooted the system, I would be more successful than if I posted a fail and started all over. I think that that was just another mind game that I was playing with myself. I said I was rebooting but I just did a few things and then stopped. All those months that I had goals and worked toward them were successful. The reboot wasn't anything like that. I just played with the whole thing.
What have I been afraid of? I know I want to lose the weight. I hate what I am doing to myself. I feel terrible physically. I am drained emotionally. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.
So, with that being said, I am scrapping everything. I am DONE! I QUIT! I am posting a fail. Okay I know that many of you are about to protest this decision but I have to do what is best for ME. I have to take the journey in the way that works best for me. I know that my journey was going well at the beginning and then outside influences knocked me down. I know that although I thought I was picking myself up, dusting myself off and moving forward, I was not fully engaged. I wasn't fully sure of what I was really doing.
Tomorrow is the beginning of the week so I am taking my fail today and beginning fresh tomorrow. I am going to be a newbie! I am going to put all this crap in the past and forget about it. I am going to begin again. A new creature! A new attitude! A new goal! A new plan! A new outlook!
I hope you all will be here to take this journey with me. I need your help! I need your support. I need your encouragement. I need your inspiration. Most of all, I need to stand on my own 2 feet and be a big girl. I need to pull up my big girl panties and DO WORK! I know it will be a bumpy ride so am holding on to my pantyhose and fastening my seat belt.
Okay that is all I have for today. Originally, I was going to open this session up for questions, but I think I will just call an end and go get prepared for tomorrow.
Thank you for coming!