March 23, 2013. Today is the day.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

I was reading an article on sparks and it was about creating a mission statement. I worked on that 2 days ago and it has really helped me focus. My main problem is I never gave myself any worth or put myself on the list of importance. I am a mom, wife, friend, first. It seemed to me that everyone needed things and I could wait. I had a cry fest one day realizing life was passing me by and no one really gave it a second thought because I had created the habit of handling everything for everyone and not expecting nothing for myself or asked for help. I'm glad I found the mission statement and decided to put me into my mission. In fact that is what was the main feature. I'm 40 and it's about time.

My mission statement: The constant renewal and work toward a life that is not about existing but, about experiencing. The physical ability to hike, see a geyser, experience the most beautiful landscapes, not be winded and be a role model to my family and leave a legacy of health and memories.

My mornings will consist of a healthy breakfast, exercise/physical activity; learn the truth of hozho in my life. I will incorporate things I love that can consist of painting, yoga, pictures, new ideas and experiences. I cherish my family and friends and will include me in whom I cherish. It is not selfish and it allows my passion to manifest. I will learn to live for me and to love me. I will be the example that I wish and want for my family and friends, which is passion, happiness, the ability to love who they are, and to put health as importance. By putting myself on my list of to-do I will be able to do for others with a positive attitude. At night I will go to bed for some sound sleep and get up and live these truths again. My life will be about health for myself and that will overflow.

Chores, television, and doing for others will be secondary to my life and not all of my life. I will realize that I do not have to do it all and those around me can and will be responsible for themselves and are also responsible for their own happiness. This will help them build their own pride and self esteem. It will provide tools for survival. It will not make me any less of a wife, mom, or friend. I will acknowledge and speak when I am feeling used. I will not stay silent, swallow the hurt, and be run by guilt. It is okay to say no and if someone does something for me I will not feel as if I owe them, have to drop everything to repay them, or reduce the worth of what my day has planned and what they need. I will incorporate activity/being physical into my quality time with my family.

Television is not quality time. If those I love choose to not want to do those things or do not show up for those things I WILL do it anyway and not be afraid of being alone. I will not be afraid of doing it alone. I cannot and will no longer go by when others show up. I am flexible but, will not be an afterthought. I am worthy to be a priority once in a while. I am not a dog who waits by the door with a leash in its mouth. I do not need to wait for my commands. I am a human being and can turn the doorknob and be my own companion.

The definition of my life is living, loving, feeling connected to each day, and people. It will be about health and adding longevity to it in hopes to live, love, connect more often. I want and need to experience new things, new places, happiness, and I cannot live in regret, disappointment, resentment, guilt. If I fall or do not accomplish everything I had hoped for my day I will not beat myself up. Instead I will go on with the knowledge that there is a tomorrow. Each day is a new day. No more of the “I could have done, wanted to do” or allow others to tell me how I can and am supposed to do or have done. I will know who I am because I will be living who I am.

My mission will always be a work in progress and changing. I see myself as someone who can grow and learn. Living cannot consist of being stagnant, couches, and depending on others to reach my goals, and living to make everyone else’s goals to be achieved. If there is one thing my soul needs it is the realization that others need to do for themselves and my doing for others is not who I was born to be. It does not define me. It does not make me worthy of respect. I will not allow others definitions of worth to be my definition. Monetary or money is not what makes me worthy or worth any less when I don’t have it to give or I don’t receive it in a check. It is not about titles. I know who I am inside. I know my intentions and motives. That should be enough for me.
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