I had a best friend once...for a little while:(
Saturday, March 23, 2013
My best BEST friend in the world was always my mom. I didn't really care about or have close friends my own age as my mom and I were inseperable.
When she died in 2008, I spent alot of time trying to form attatchments with others. Consequently, people would act like we were friends just to use me. However, there was this one girl at work that I began becoming close to. We did everything together, even though she was younger than me we had so much in common. I bared my soul to her and she did the same, even confiding she was bisexual, which not many knew.
She ended up moving in with me for a few months and I would drive her everywhere and she eventually just drove my car.
Even though she couldn't help me out like I could her, I was on top of the world. I thought I found that once in a lifetime friend some people have.
However, she moved in with her boyfriend whom we both worked with. She got a car. Her man didn't like me and the feeling was mutual.
Anyway, we started hanging out less and less. We started back up and I bought her a gold dog tag with a verse that meant something to both of us.
Then, all of a sudden, nothing. I was stranded with aflat tire months ago. She happened to ride by and she waved and drove on.
Then, yesterday, I saw her with her mom at wal-mart. Her mom said hello, but she kept walking. I looked back and she said something to her mom and they both just looked at me.
I always wondered what it was about me that made it impossible to stay close to people. Most of them I don't really mind if the friendship ends. But this one hurt :(
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Interesting topic. I can relate. I am close to my family, my two best friends are my aunt and my sister. Growing up I would have one friend or another that I was really close with but eventually we would drift apart. Now I live in another state from the family that I grew up with. I am single and would like to have a girlfriend to hang I with. Last year I met a lady about the same age as me and we began to hang out, shopping, coffee and sitting around talking. I can be a bit of a loner sometimes and do not always call people. I explained this to her and when she doesn't hear from me she still make comments that make me feel uncomfortable. I try baking away from her but don't know how to tell her the truth since I've already explained to her more than once that I can be a loner sometimes. I've pushed her away before and am now ready to dissolve our friendship because it makes me uncomfortable.
I guess it gets harder as you get older to find genuine friendships. Perhaps if you(or should I say we) got more involved with things we find interesting we would meet people that we have things in common with.
I hope I am not stepping out of bounds by saying that you can not feel the void of your relationship with your mother. that was a genuine authentic relationship that can never be duplicated. Wrap it like a gift and appreciate it for what it was. Maybe your present and new relationships will have to be redefined.
I wish you all the best.
1699 days ago
GR8ERjoY has much wisdom. Reread the last paragraph once a day and decide what you are going to do to love you first. Then work on putting that new you out there, just starting out as a friendly person, brightening the lives of those people around you during your daily affairs. Relate. Don't expect permanent friendships to form. They will, but don't expect it.
And remember, no one is born knowing how to be a good friend. You are obviously not the only one who has to figure this out. So, you need to stop thinking that you are the problem. We all need to work on this, have room for improvement.
Many people are very happy, to have superficial relationships because they have gotten hurt in the past. Is that where you are in this?
It doesn't sound like it to me.
But knowing this, you should be able to acknowledge when someone else is "buying" your friendship in the future. And that is not your problem, it is theirs.
1726 days ago
There's nothing wrong with you. She's clearly a selfish user who hung out with you while she could get anything from you and kicked you to the curb when she couldn't. She was most certainly not a friend. I know how much it hurts (believe me -- I've been there myself). But you're so much better off without people like that in your life.
1727 days ago
I have gone through the same thing. When I was in college I had a best friend. He and I did many things together. We rode bikes, played tennis, bowled together, worked out together, played racketball together, played golf together, played pinball and video games, shot pool, studied together and partied together. We were best friends for like three years.
But then all of a sudden he would not return my phone calls. I got no response. I wondered why? What did I do that he decided to end our relationship? Why was I cut from his life? I just wanted to know what I did that he decided to avoid me. I still to this day do not know what I did wrong and it still bugs me because I do not want to do whatever I did wrong (if antything) that he decided to end our friendship.
I understand your frustration and hurt. I do not have any advice to give you, I am just saying that I can relate. I do know that it is harder now to put myself into a new friendship because of this. You can get very hurt.
1727 days ago
I can relate to how you feel... I really only have one true girlfriend. She been my friend for over 20 years. I am not close to my family so really to me she is more like my sister. We might go two weeks or even a month without talking, but I know she's always there if I need her.
When I was younger I tried to socialize more but I always felt like I didn't fit. I used to have lunch with a group of girls at work. We would also go out for dinner every couple of months to celebrate a birthday, or just to have a girls night out. It was great for awhile. But then a new girl was hired at work and she was somehow included in our group. She was a trouble marker...a gossiper. Her and I had a disagreement, and I felt the other girls in the group took her side. They said I took it to far. Maybe I did... I just think friends should be loyal. I was so hurt by their reactions. I realized my friendship didn't mean as much to them as it meant to me. That girl no longer works with us, but I will never get socially involved again with the group. They have asked me to join them but I always kindly say no.
I really have a hard time letting people in for fear of getting hurt. This is why I love SP... I can be social, and interact with other as much or as little as I want.
1727 days ago
That seems very odd, as if the problem was hers, not yours and so now all pieces don't fit because there are some pieces you don't know about. No real and true person acts like that to someone they once called a friend without good cause (like if you tried to run her boyfriend over with your car or something - which I'm guessing you didn't).
I can say from experience, that if you don't feel good about yourself, that can be straining to relationships, all kinds, friendship included. Make sure you like and love yourself first, then worry about and work on relationships with others.
1727 days ago
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
More Blogs by MOONANDSTARS77