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ZERO2HERO
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My Mother Said This Would Happen.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

I'd like to begin with a picture from the past:



I'm in the center before an open water race 10 years ago. I remember posing for this picture and the first time I saw this picture. Posing for this picture I felt uncomfortable and miserable. I wanted nothing more than to avoid actually posing for this picture. I was hung over, apathetic, and really just wanted to plunge my head into the ocean immediately. Not to mention I also thought I was fat.

My mother always told me one day that would happen. I would look back and think to myself, "How could you have been so hard on yourself?"

A few months later a friend of mine put this picture in an album as a gift. That was the first time I ever saw this picture and the worst part was that I didn't realize I was in the picture. I thought it was just a group of my friends. I never saw myself as that thin, smiley, or even tan. It also helped me understand the eating disorder I was battling, but never sought professional help for. The scary part was that for years I fought to return to that image every time I realized I was gaining weight. I was JEALOUS of the girl in the picture.

Every once in a while I still am. Each time I catch myself with those unhealthy thoughts I remember the emotional turmoil you can't see in that picture. That this time I will maintain a perspective of well-rounded health. The number on the scale is not the determination of happiness - and quite frankly it isn't always the sign of healthiness. 10 years ago I might have had the perfect BMI, body fat, and jeans size, but at what cost?

This time I am working on the outside from the inside. So I post this picture as a reminder to never get carried away, to never become obsessed, crazy or angry about any number on this journey or at the end of it - not calories, not fat, not weight, not pants size. I will not solve these things with apathy or control; I will get down to the root and accept myself for better or worse, just like the people who already love me for me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v RISAMEANSLAUGH
    Dear Zero2Hero,

    Your blog makes you my hero! You have the perspective that I WISH I had had at your age. If I had, I wouldn't have had to: have years of therapy /dr's visits, beat myself up so much, had such anxiety, and (most especially) hated my body so very, very much!!

    I'm taking your words " . . . that the number on the scale doesn't determine my happiness . . . " and using it in in my own positive self talk. Your words make a difference and will be helping me!

    In the meantime, I continue to wish you all the best on your road to healthiness! And "ten mucho cuidado" means "take good care"!
    All the best! sincerely,Riisa emoticon
    1189 days ago
  • v TKLBRIDGET
    Wonderful blog! When I was young I also was a lot thinner and thought I was too heavy. Always critical of every pound, bump or imperfection. Now, I accept me, imperfections and all. Good for us!
    emoticon
    1190 days ago
  • v SUNSHINE99999
    Wow, you have all the knowledge you need to become a healthy you. So, I encourage you to live it out for you can do it. I raise my water glass to your successes. emoticon
    1190 days ago
  • v WALLINMW
    Stay motivated!
    1190 days ago
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