Saturday, March 23, 2013
I don't really ever give myself praise. I have always had bad self esteem. It didn't help that I was heavy most of my life (pretty much since I hit puberty) and my mom never let me forget it. She would tell me I am fat and ugly and all that stuff. The things mom's are supposed to tell you aren't true. It has always kind of stuck with me. I don't really ever feel beautiful or anything. It is hard for me to take a complement. Most of the ones I get are oh you have such beautiful eyes and stuff like that. Never anything else. I have recently been getting compliments on losing weight and I just don't see it like they do I guess. I mean my clothes definitely don't fit like they did. I have to have a belt to keep my pants up. But I can still wear the clothes its not like they are so big if I keep wearing them I am going to look stupid. Maybe it will be different when I have to buy new clothes because my clothes are that big but right now I am just bummed.
I have fallen off the wagon a little and I am fighting with my scale and I am doing my best to get a workout in but I have been so tired and unmotivated lately that its hard. I just dunno what to do. I am afraid that I am going to fall back into my old ways like I did last time I was on spark people and it is right around the same amount of time that went by as last time. So I am scared and I am just feeling crummy and moody and I am not happy with myself. Need to find something to make me happy. Hopefully getting back on track tomorrow but my support systems aren't working real well right now. Hopefully they get back on track soon too.