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    SHARIKAYE   11,956
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Why?

Friday, March 22, 2013

My assignment on SparkCoach today was to blog about what my true motivation is for my weight loss goals and what I hope to achieve. I have given that some thought.
I started this journey in January, just months after my first grandchild was born. I remember talking to my ex-husband as we were driving home from Missouri after her birth (yes, we're friends and we rode together). One of the things I talked about was how important it was to me to get healthy...now more than ever. After looking in the face of that little girl I knew I wanted to be around for as much of her life as I could be. I wanted to be here to see her daughter or son if possible. Now I have another grandchild on the way: my daughter and son-in-law are expecting their first in late September. And I know come fall Andrew and Danielle are going to start trying to add a sibling for Audrey. I have so much to look forward to. And I want to be able to get down on the floor and play with each and every one of them. I want to take them to the park and chase them, not just push them on the swings. I want to slide down the slide with them, not just watch from the top the first time and hope they don't fall. When they are old enough I want to take them to an amusement park and ride the rides WITH them.
Right now it is difficult for me to get down on the floor to even try to exercise. I choose the ones I can do standing up. That's why I love cardio. But I want to buy a mat and get down on the floor and do workouts like everyone else. I try it. It's hard. And I'm embarrassed for myself even though no one is watching.
The last time I was at an amusement park with my then husband (something we LOVED to do) we had made it to the front of a long line for a new roller coaster. I climbed in, and even though the bar would come down they couldn't get the seat belt around me. I had to climb out...right there in front of all those people waiting their turns while they found someone else to ride with my husband. ABSOLUTELY one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire life. I have not been to an amusement park since. And we have a wonderful one just 3 hours from home in Kansas City that we used to visit at least twice a year. We took family vacations with another family when our children were small and spent the week-end at the amusement park and the water park next door. I had been to Disneyland, and Magic Mountain in California...one of the best coaster parks in the country.
In Nebraska most people think the sun rises and sets on our Nebraska Cornhuskers. I have been a huge fan since I moved here at the ripe old age of 17. Lincoln is a 50 minute drive from here. My husband had season tickets several years in a row that he bought from a woman who didn't have time to use hers, but didn't want to really give them up for life. That's the way it is around here...if you ever finally get season tickets it is a lifetime thing. You pass them down to your children. Anyway, he had four seats for each home game. For all the years he had them I refused to go even once because I was so self-conscious about how much room I would take up on the bench. It wasn't till I started my part-time job at the age of 52 and my boss offered me tickets to a game that I finally said to heck with it and went for the first time. And you know what?! I had a blast! I have been to almost every home game for the last two seasons. The walk from and back to parking is a real hike and sometimes I wonder if I'm going to make it. But I do, and I get in the stadium, and I rent my stadium seat and I enjoy the game.
I avoid concert and movie situations because the seating is too tight. Alot of theatres now have the comfort seating where the arm rests can go up and so I do go once in awhile. I love the movies.
I have to force myself to get on airplanes even though I love to fly because I know the people sitting on either side of me are not going to be comfortable.
I don't date or even consider it because I'm just sure no one would even want to look at me. And I know I don't ever want to be naked again in front of someone else. Not in this shape.
So, what do I hope to achieve? Freedom. Freedom to visit another amusement park with my daughter, Ariel while she's still single. Freedom to not worry about how far away from the stadium I have to park. Freedom to not be concerned about how much room I'm taking up on the bench at Memorial Stadium or how uncomfortable the person next to me is on an airplane. Freedom to go to whatever concert or movie I choose because I know my butt will fit in the seat. Freedom to try yoga. Freedom to get down on the floor and exercise my little heart out. Freedom to get on the floor and play with kids, and run and chase them in the park. Freedom to start a running program. I SO want to run before it's too late in life. And lets not forget freedom to shop in the regular stores and the regular departments of stores and not have to order my bras offline because no one carries a 44B in a store. They're hard enough to find online. Freedom to learn to swim, even if I have to wear a granny suit to cover the hanging skin. Freedom to get out of my car without so much effort. Freedom to go to the grocery store and not be self-conscious of what people see in my grocery cart because of how big I am. (Even if I AM shopping healthy) Freedom to walk Lucy on the street without worrying about what the passers-by are thinking about the fat lady walking her dog.
Yeah, I guess I have a little motivation for getting and staying healthy. Not to mention all the benefits to my body. Although I have been fortunate enough to have normal cholesterol and blood sugar, who knows how long it would be before some of that would have been bad. And to think of all the pressure it will take off my knees and my spine!! It will be wonderful to finally be a healthy temple for the Lord.
So, I've done my assignment for SparkCoach today. I know what my motivations are and what I hope to achieve.
I hope you have had a successful day.

Blessings to you one and all
Keep on keepin on,

Shari...the late night blogger
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TATTER3 3/24/2013 8:20PM

    Keep Sparkin'!!

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JOANIE69 3/23/2013 9:38AM

    I can relate to your desire for freedom to do the things you want to do, without embarrassment, too. I have often NOT attended a family gathering at my in-laws because I was the fattest in-law there. (They didn't miss me as often my DH would go anyway, at my prodding, and the family has 14 siblings...so there would be scores of people there.) But still I felt guilty I didn't go with him - and all because I didn't want to see their rolling eyes and snickering - done right in my face. Ah...sweet memories! (NOT!) I have prayed about this for years, and one thing I promised DH is that at the end of May I will go to his brother's (annual family event) birthday party this year with him. I will NOT be thin, but I will be thinner and healthier, and trusting in God to get me through any hurtful remarks and looks I have come to expect from them. Maybe I will be surprised this year and discover that like me, they have mellowed with age. Meanwhile I pray for them and for anyone else who has experienced similar things, and I pray that you will soon have the freedom to go where you please, Shari. Bless you for sharing so openly with us, emoticon Joanie emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 3/23/2013 12:46AM

    So you don't have big boobs too. I too have to find those b size bras and they are hard to find anywhere. They must think all people that are over weight have big boobs. NOT!!

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MARIANNE9855 3/22/2013 11:27PM

    Wonderful blog! So many of the things you mention I want to do. Because I had my sons when I was in my late 30s. I worry about being an ""old" grandma who is sick and can't get around. I think my bottom line is I don't want to miss any more of life because I am too fat. I believe we will both succeed with the help of each other and spark people. emoticon emoticon

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