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Slipping and bouncing

Friday, March 22, 2013

I keep slipping up. I keep falling into old bad habits. Therefore, the scale is bouncing and I hate it. Six months ago I was within 5 pounds of my "goal" weight. Now, I am 15 pounds from it.

I lost confidence. I lost discipline. I lost nice warm weather. I have slacked so bad that I no longer exercise as a habit. It's all excuses. It's all me trying to rationalize my complete failure to stick to my goals. I have NEVER fully reached a hard goal that I have set for myself. I get really close, but that last domino just never falls into place.

Now, the depression is settling in hard. The workouts do wonders for those feelings, but lately, I catch myself thinking. "Why bother? You will never have the body you want. You will always be fat and flabby."

It doesn't help that I've got people in my life that tell me that "You don't have the genetics to have that kind of body. You should just settle for what you have." So, I'll always have to be unhappy with myself when I look in the mirror. I'll constantly have to know I am not good enough to be the person I want to be.

For a while I could turn this around and push myself harder, but after a year of trying so bloody hard and not being able to get there, I am stalling out. I am not really chasing a number on the scale. It's just the easiest to explain to people. I want to see a few certain things in the mirror change, but nothing has really.

Maybe this is as good as I can do. I like food and I am lazy. I have no desire to run marathons or compete in athletics. I like video games and to play dress up. I can't even finish one freaking costume. I can't even get myself to start. Add the horrid sinus infection I have and I am really a sad panda.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Don't listen to those people. When they tell you that either tell them to stfu or, if you want to be polite, tell them that you aren't the sort of person to give up and you would appreciate them to take their mothers advice-if you don't have anything nice or supportive to say, don't say anything! We can all have a toned body, we just have to work for it! I've slipped too, but we can get back on the wagon together. Get a 10 min streak going, and ban negative thoughts-or write them down here so we can encourage you, 'cause WE KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS.

    Lets go running. xoxo
    1821 days ago
    Turn that panda up side down! Er... I mean frown? LOL!

    It's hard when you get discouraged. It's even harder when people around you are all Negative Nancy on your ass. Makes it next to impossible to stick to something.

    I love food. I am inherently lazy. I get 2/3 done on a costume... and then either slap dash the rest of it because I've run out of time -or shelve it.
    So, I totally get it!

    When my mom passed away, she was over 400 pounds. All the women on my mom's side were very large. All the women on my dad's side have pot bellies. So... yeah. I've had to overcome a lot. I've been fortunate in that my hubby & my friends have all been VERY supportive during my journey. Those that haven't been supportive... well, I've just sort of let those relationships slide. If they don't think I'm worth supporting, then I've come to the conclusion that they're not good friends and not worth my effort.

    Maybe you have to change up your eating habits? I know that I only got so far with what I had started with, then found I had to change things up - keep the body guessing, but sustained. :-) I can't even tell you how many different nutrition/lifestyle books I've read over the past couple years! LOL I've now got pretty strong leanings toward a Paleo type lifestyle, but tweaked here and there to make it livable for me. (Like, I'm never giving up my dang cheese!)
    For exercise, I've stopped trying to kill myself with long runs (totally not going to do that marathon I thought I wanted to do) and have transitioned to long walks with occasional sprints. No more "chronic cardio" for me! I just didn't want to commit the time... And, it really didn't seem to be doing anything for me! I've found that 5 days a week of short high intensity stuff is doing wonders! Body weight exercises, kettlebells, resistance bands. 15-20 minutes, booyah. ;-)

    Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, once you can get your head back in the game, maybe try changing things up. Keeps ya from getting bored! Heck, maybe changing things up a bit at a time will help _get_ your head back in the game!

    This really long comment is brought to you by the letter "keep your chin up, you're awesome.

    1822 days ago
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