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    NKING1982   60,256
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Very stressed, Big day tomorrow

Friday, March 22, 2013

Just a little bit about my history first. I have a step brother and sister who i used to be very close to. We grew up together ever since I was 8 and they were 5 and 6. A few years ago, my husband proposed to me and when he asked my dad for permission, my dad gave him my step-mothers wedding ring to give to me. (my mom died in 05 and one of her wishes was that I would get the ring and my sister would get the pearls that have been passed down from her grandmother) Well, my husband proposed and of course i said yes (the whole proposal story was so romantic but i will save that one for another day) When i showed my sister the ring, her first response was, "ewww it's yellow gold" (she didn't even recognize the ring until i told her that it was our moms) she immediately starting yelling and called up my dad because she wanted the ring. After that, i thought i would give her some space, and ignored her until she cooled down. But she started to send me threatening messages and voice mails, and this went on for over a year. I actually decided to give her another chance, until she asked me to apologize to her and give her the ring. Then it all started all over again. More voicemail threats and messages. She even went onto facebook and said some very personal things about me (some true and some not) to all of our friends and family. Well, here it is 2 1/2 years later and i still have not talked to her. (My step brother and step sister are very close) So my brother has sent me a few messages asking me to give her another chance, other than that we don't talk either.
Tomorrow is my dad's 50th Birthday surprise party, and they are both going to be there. So this will be the first time that i have talked to them in a long time. I am afraid that she will try to start her drama crap again. So I am really nervous. I have already decided that if things get out of hand, we will just leave. I am too old for drama and very happy with my life. Any suggestions... emoticon
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NKING1982 3/24/2013 11:38AM

    Oh and sorry, -BENI-, just saw your message. My dad agreed with my mom, and everyone knew that i would be getting the ring. My brother was fine with this until he realized that his sister wanted it. I don't think he was mad at me for the whole ring thing. I think he was just sticking up for his sister. And didn't talk to me because his sister didn't want him too.

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NKING1982 3/24/2013 11:35AM

    Thanks for all the support guys! It actually turned out awesome. There were so many friends and family there that me and my sister didn't even talk. And it was really nice to talk to my brother and catch up. I got to see other family members that i hardly talk to anymore. And found out that my cousin (we were very close as kids) lives about 5 minutes from my house.
This was a surprise party, and my dad thought he was coming to the house to fix his step sons furnace, so my dad was very shocked. We all yelled surprise, and the look on his face when he walked in the room was priceless, it was so funny. Then came another look on his face when he saw that all 3 kids were there. It was such a good feeling to make him so happy.

Hope everyone had a good weekend

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CAPECODBABE 3/23/2013 7:55PM

    I just want you to have a wonderful night.

You know what your mom wanted.

Hope it works out great and your dad has a wonderful birthday!!!

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-BENI- 3/22/2013 9:43PM

    Oh I so understand your situation. I don't have this problem with step siblings but my own sister. I have come to realize just because it's family doesn't mean it has to work out. We will most likely never talk again.
Normally I would be upset but I too have come to realize, I am too old for this 8th grade behavior, you will never change others minds, you WILL NEVER change or stop jealousy and you need to live your life. I have also realized it will always be something.
If the threatening gets to a dangerous point you may have to take legal actions. Do not stoop to her behavior. If people ask tell them it's personal or that you would rather not talk about it.
Sometimes when you talk about someone you are the one that looks bad not them.
Be the mature one.
The party is for your dad let it be that. Remember to rise above it. If she gets out of hand walk away and yes you may need to leave. Just be sure to tell your dad I'm sorry we have to leave so he understands.
I am curious, has your dad said anything to your brother about the step mothers ring going to them?
Good luck to you. ~Beni

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NKING1982 3/22/2013 4:02PM

    Thanks. It has always been my mom's wish for me to have it and my sister knew it. We talked about it ever since we were teens. But it is what it is, nobody said life was easy

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STRONG_SARAH 3/22/2013 3:17PM

    If it was your Mom's wish that you get the ring then, well, she really shouldn't be mad. You know this already, I'm sure. Being in the right doesn't always make it easier, does it?
I'm sorry you are going through this.

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NKING1982 3/22/2013 2:54PM

    Thanks emoticon I just looked at a couple sites for NVC, and I think I have a plan. There will be lots of family there to communicate with so i will say a friendly hello and keep the conversations short with her. If she brings up the past then i will just tell her that this isn't the place nor the time to have the conversation. If she continues then i will do my best to avoid her. If it gets out of hand then I will just leave.

This will be the first time (in years) my dad will get to see all 3 of his kids at the same time, and i know this is something he really wants. It's the perfect gift for his birthday. But my sister is quite the bully and I'm afraid she will make a scene no matter where she is. She has always been very overly dramatic and will do anything to get attention. But then again, it has been a few years, so maybe she has changed...

Thanks for the advice, maybe I'm stressing out over nothing

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RAWCOOKIE 3/22/2013 2:31PM

    Don't respond to any crap she might throw at you. Take a deep breath - look her right in the eye - and search your heart for what unmet need she is expressing. To react in that way she has some pain she can't express any other way. Check out NVC (non-violent communication) online for more tips - I think it's brilliant - it might help. Also, of course, focus on the reason you are there - for your Dad. I think your back-up plan to leave if necessary is very wise - but don't implement it too readily - only if really necessary. Good luck!
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