Thursday, March 21, 2013
Today I heard my best friend cry over the man shes chosen to be with. Her pain told me what I have suspected all along, shes so unhappy with her life, that maybe hanging on to him lets her focus her pain on him, and the problems he brings into her life, and off of her own personal issues.
The fact that her biological dad just died and left her his estate, such as it was, to deal with and his funeral to pay for.
A man who had never had anything to do with her or her sister for her whole life.
She has obvious self esteem problems, referring to herself as not pretty and not thin...which bugs the pure hell out of me, cause shes at least 60 pounds thinner than myself.
and in all my years, thin, heavy, and the last year, not as heavy.....never once did I ever refer to myself as not pretty.
It pains me to see her feeling the way she does about herself, while at the same time encouraging me and telling everyone how proud she is of me.
And, yes she is the same friend I had recently chose not to spend time with, while HE is around.
I just wish she could find her own self worth.
Tomorrow my other best friend has to go to court for his pre-trial hearing, some of you may recall reading my past blogs about said friend, having shot and killed a man trying to come into his home, uninvited and threatening.
The courts will not allow his lawyers to argue the Castle law....but instead tried to make it out to be a love triangle or some such....
This was not the case, and my friend, as his trial draws near, in April, is beginning to feel the stress and worry.
Even as he deals with this issue, maybe being sent to prison, he has been there for me to lean on in my own time of struggle, he has listened to me and given me words of encouragment and has always helped me to see the best in myself. I will be going to court with him and supporting him thru this...even if it means sneaking into the ladies room to cry silently for the pain I feel over the way he is being treated and talked about.
It makes me feel that my own issues, while as stressful and worrisome to me personally, arent nearly as bad as some people have.
I love my friends and they love me...why cant we learn to love ourselves???
I have had an otherwise decent day.
Went to the tanning bed, on this oooohhhhh soooooo collldddd day.
I aint too sure about that.
But I stayed on calories and aside from aches and pains, and my foot hurting me....I am doing ok today.