Today I had, what I like to call, an "Oh look, Linda's growing up moment" I came into work and was told by a coworker exactly why I was the worst person in the world, why I "dumped" more work on her when she was extremely busy, and why I can't make a third party behave better. Not the kind of thing I was hoping for first thing in the morning.

Typically, I would have not listened to all the accusations. I would have started replying before they were done, I would have felt guilty all day, I would have been sick to my stomach and probably came home and binged (If I didn't binge at fast food first). Normally, this conflict would have made me cry and sent me in a tailspin for days. What happened today was so startling, that I have been thinking about it all day.

Despite all the things she said to me, I didn't take it personally. I was not a bad person, the decision I made was a bad one. There is a distinction. I realized that I had made a mistake that led to hurt feelings. I had forgotten to include her in an email that she should have been a part of. I apologized. I took responsibility, but I didn't get paranoid about all of the other issues she brought up. {I am condensing about 45 minutes worth of "discusion" and issues because they are many faceted and are too complex to describe here without writing all day }

My reaction of not getting upset and feeling guilty was what puzzled me all day. I even got worried that I should worry about not being upset. I didn't want to involve other people in the building, so I called a friend at lunch and asked if I was under-reacting. While I have tossed the situation around in my mind, I am not letting myself stew. When I stew, I eat. When I eat because of stewing, I feel guilty and stew more; therefore I eat more....and the cycle continues.

While I am not celebrating the situation, I am seeing my reaction to it as meaningful. Do I have some fences to mend? Yup. Do I have a responsibility to do better next time? Yup. After today's unexpected reaction, I see that I can survive a conflict without sabotaging myself.