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    HOPEFULHIPPO   42,972
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Holy Cow BatMan!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Happy Springtime!

Wow what a week I'm having.

My oldest has been feeling lonely. I understand completely. Now, I'm hoping not to offend anyone (though I probably will) and apologize in advance but California SUCKS at making any friends. You just can't. People are afraid for the most part (with good reason) and if they aren't afraid, they think they belong in Hollywood and are too "good" to associate with the peasants. See, in Washington you could go to the grocery store and it's like Mayberry. You say "Is this Frozen TV dinner any good?" to a random stranger and not only will you get an answer but chances are good that by the end of the 20 minute conversation you or they have been invited to a bbq at such n such's house and see ya next week.

Here, you could go for four years and not say a kind word to anyone. I know, I have yet to receive one. If it weren't for my family and Spark, I don't think I would have really uttered two words since moving here. Really.

So, when my daughter moved to San Francisco she was really really hoping that it would be like Seattle.

No such luck. After her second breakdown at work we decided to spend the Saturday over there to visit her. I think it made a good impact. We walked all around the city and hubby was a trooper, even though he was reeling in pain. We went to the Diner's Drive in and Dive's recommended Pier 23 and I had the fish taco's that was raved about. (the place was really good but not worth the $120 we paid for three people though...so kind of pricey for a "diner, drive in or dive" Then again, it IS Frisco)

As we walked all over the city we discussed how loneliness WAS a global problem and how unfortunately she inherited her social awkwardness from me. We discussed her job and suggested maybe getting one away from children for now (like a restaurant or bar) to interact with adults and not kids all day. Her first priority I said is being a student, so she didn't have to be a teacher just yet. (She's working 7-9 hours a day getting paid for 4, it's too much!) Her place doesn't allow pets so she can't have her dog and it's in one of the scariest parts of the city so even the landlord tells her not to be out and night. I told her maybe it was time to look at the singles activity site to just get out and do things with single people (not a dating site, just activities) Really, all she wants is someone to come play Scrabble with her occasionally. Not come over for a girls night and leave early stealing all her alcohol (she tried to make friends... and that's what her co workers did) We also talked about possibly transferring to a familiar place (Washington or closer to us) but to think about it over Spring Break after emotions were a little calmer....

Then in a minute the day was over. We hugged her and told her to think about it over spring break.

Then yesterday I get a text: "Mom, I know you get notified when someone dials 911 on the phone...I'm okay"

I'm like, what? what happened?!

She was on a bus when a very either drugged or unwell person approached and hit on her, asking for her number. She politely said "no, I have a boyfriend" when he started mumbling at her breast "I just want to marry someone! Why won't anyone marry me? I'm going to the hospital now because I need help cuz no one will marry me" on and on all the while never looking her in the face when all of a sudden she says he looked right at her and says "call 911". She asked "um, why?" and he very calmly says to her AT her "because I'm about to kill someone on this bus, would you call 911 for me?" to which she jumped up and started ringing the bell begging to get off the bus.

She gets off and calls the police and waits for the next bus. Only when the police come they evacuate the first bus on to the second bus and guess who is helping everyone off the first bus and escorting them on to the second bus? YES....the GUY!!

Now Panda is very panicked and again ringing the bell. She called the police AGAIN to let them know "helllooooo, you evacuated the crazy dude too!"

We don't know what happened from there, she took the train.

I guess the thing to take out of that though is clearly this guy was also lonely. So lonely he drove himself nuts.

Loneliness really is a global problem.

And raising and worrying about your kids never ends.

I'm going for a run now. I must have texted her a thousand times just to make sure she came home from class okay last night. I think I just need to relax myself.

on a good note: my youngest got to go to Disneyland with her band. She's so excited. And Ms. Kate is now teaching piano lessons. A step towards her ultimate goal of Music Therapy...

Holy cow batman. I'll try not to emotionally eat....I'm going for a run....

Happy Spring!! go say something nice to someone ...anybody. It might be just what they need.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMCOLLINGS 4/10/2013 2:16PM

    My goodness....what a scary ordeal! Glad she is OK. Sounds like I should count my blessings that I'm still in Seattle. Dang....you should get yourself back here and bring her too :)

I think you're right about loneliness. It can be so hard to know how to meet quality people. I think the activity on-line site is a good start though. Ya know what I just thought of......I've always had a hard time meeting new people, but since I've been on Spark I've met three of my local sparkies in person and they are wonderful! Maybe she could become a sparkie, even if she isn't interested in losing weight. There's still so much to learn about nutrition and exercise. Just a thought.

Oh yes....one last thing I had to mention that I love the title. I say Holy cow batman all the time! Don't hear too many people using that awesomely refined phrase. How about holy macaroni? That one makes my boyfriends eyes roll emoticon

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ENDUROVET 3/27/2013 6:15PM

    Oh poor baby - my Z will probably be glad to be away from my overprotective "hover" when he goes off to college (these days he already seems to be fixated on TAMU, 160 mi south)...
The church/volunteer thing sounds like a good plan though!

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WOWEETOO 3/25/2013 9:40PM

    san francisco is one of my favorite of all places for sure..i can entertain myself coming and going endlessly HOWEVER it is not seattle by any stretch of the imagination..they are entirely differents planets for sure..one thing you need to teach her is not to compare places where she ends up as that will problably happen many times in her life..my son could live anywhere and has even as a child..there was no place he couldn't make it..and his favorite place of all san francisco and where has he ended up seattle and what does he do..he's a tattoo artist..who would ever have thought for sure he could live and be comfortable anywhere..scrabble can be played with others on the computer but she just needs to spend time outside..spring is coming and the fog rolls in and the city feels glorious even when it is covvered..you could spend your entire life there and not see everything and go everywhere because there isn't enough time in any life to get it done..there are people to be met but you have to sit down on a bench and be still..they will come..she needs to carry mace in her purse to for likes of the crazy man but those kind are all over not just there..a great place to meet people city lights bookstore..it's been there for years and has books like no other store i've ever been in..or make it a habit to go once a week to china town and rate the smaller restaurants..there are especially good ones where they are underneath things goings on at street level..some of the best for sure..she could devise a book of things to do so next time you visit you can chose and ride the transportation endlessly sher can do it and i'd trade places with her in a heartbeat lol
the lady mary

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CHANGINGSEASONS 3/24/2013 10:00AM

    Yikes! I've never been to California. Some places are probably much better than others I would guess..since that's how it is EVERYWHERE. She's young enough that if she is unhappy there she can transfer somewhere more to her liking. I'd make sure she knows that..as you have I'm sure. When we're young we sometimes feel like we are already locked into a situation but being older we can see that it wasn't that way at all. If I hadn't been raised here I'd prob. be lonely..i'm not the best at being outgoing and making new friends. My mom is the total opposite. Stick her in a room with strangers and within an hour she'll have networked her way through half of them..at least. I'd find the other uncomfortable looking person and make friends with THEM. lol. Hopefully she meets some good people..OR moves someplace that suits her better. Hang in there momma!

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MIAJOEB 3/23/2013 2:40PM

    Golly, that is how my son and former GF felt when they move to SF 18 years ago..
But son is theatre person and seems to find many people who will share interests.
SF is so large, What part? Son and wife have a fixer upper in Bernal Heights.
There was no kitchen just a stove with nothing connected and a sink with only cold water and we don't want to talk about the WC...
They have met unusual people who are really looking for people to understand.
Last time we were there we went to a café that rents the space on the days when a restaurant is closed. The food was good and the space was bazaar . Industrial office area made over to a café. But in Cali it seems the best way to make friends is to volunteer at a Church or charity place... Good hunting to her...

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AUSFAM 3/22/2013 8:10PM

    Give your daughter a big hug from me--I've been there and it's a CRAPPY feeling to be alone and surrounded by so many people, but you just don't 'fit in' where you're at. As a mom of two little girls (2yrs and 9mo) I can't IMAGINE what I would do if I got a phone call from either one of them like that--here's a hug for you too!

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BEAUTIFUL_REINA 3/22/2013 7:20PM

    OMIGOD what a horrible experience for her and even for you!! I am so glad she's OK. And Jeez those cops that evacuated the crazy dude, I swear they never get it right! At lease she's OK. He might have killed her or someone else. Wow.

Once before we left TX, a crazy dude came into my apartment. We've always lived in those "don't go out at night" neighborhoods, so we always keep the door locked. But sometimes my kids would forget. Once I told them, "you are going to leave it open once too many times and some smurf is going to wander in..." and that after noon they forgot to lock it and one did. And my stupid dog sat there and let himself be petted. He wandered all over our house and got in our fridge and then started arguing with my daughter (all by himself, she didn't say anything!). But once we got him out of there, he wandered straight into someone else's house. Then the cops came and collected him. They said he was high as a kite on ecstasy.

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 3/22/2013 1:40PM

    how scary for your daughter, glad she was/is safe. Has your daughter looked into young professional organizations that do volunteer work. I know in my area, they do a day of volunteering and then following you socialize at a local restaurant or bar. it could be a nice way to meet people. (volunteermatch.org looks like it has a large list of opportunists). I also know people who like and enjoy habitat for humanity.

I hope you enjoyed your run and it helped get you away from stress eating.

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SHOES17 3/22/2013 9:00AM

    I am thankful to live in a small North Carolina Town. We arent always friendly but it certainly has its perks. Hugs

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TANYA602 3/21/2013 9:36PM

    I live in So. Cal and have my whole life and I stand by your sentiments - I've always said that the further north (or east) we travel, the nicer people are. I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is having such a rough go of it, but she sounds like a pretty "together" kiddo.

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LYNSEY723 3/21/2013 3:42PM

    Wow. Your poor daughter!!! I cannot imagine going through that - heck even public transportation here in Washington scares me!!! I hope your daughter figures out what she wants to do and finds happiness in whatever that is!!

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BAKER1009 3/21/2013 2:01PM

    That is very sad Cori. Sorry to hear/read all of this. I hope your daughter begins to feel better. I think your idea of having her think about everything over spring break is an excellent idea.
I know exactly what you mean about making friends in that area, it is definitely difficult. We were lucky to have made friends with two different couples while we lived there, but ironically, neither couple was originally from that area (Rocklin).

But it's happening everywhere now. The campground where I grew up camping is a great example. Back in the day we said hi to everyone there. You struck up conversations with many of them, and like you mentioned, invites flew around for get togethers. Mom and I have camped there on occasion since I've been and adult, and that same vibe doesn't exist at all. Sometimes you say hi to people and they just look at you and keep walking. It's really quite sad.

Sending warm thoughts and big bear hugs the way of your daughter. I hope she can find a solution that makes her happy and makes mom feel better too! Parenting sure is rough, huh?
Love ya Cori!
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KRISTINE99 3/21/2013 1:30PM

    Has your daughter tried meetup.com? It's a website in which you can find any kind of activity under the sun -- running group, board games group, dancing group, etc. I've done a lot of fun activities through the website and met some new friends, although I'm located in Phoenix opposed to S.F.

I can relate to the unfriendliness of a city. I don't care how beautiful or cosmopolitan a city is, if the people aren't receptive and friendly it really puts me in a down mood. I didn't realize that San Francisco was not very friendly! It was my understanding that it's a lively, fun place especially for young individuals. I always thought of the L.A. scene as more of a lala-land place in which things can get sketchy quickly.

Wishing your daughter the best of luck!

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 3/21/2013 1:24PM

    I totally know how you feel and how she feels. There is no friendlier place then home, where you can smile at a stranger and get a smile back!! I miss that the most as if I smile at someone here they look at me like I have six heads!
I think that if she has a job that is more adult'ish that will help her a lot. She may be shy at first, but I know how quickly she gets out of that shyness. I also think that if she joins an outside young adults club that does like weekend activities she would find a million friends. Heck I don't know how religious she is, but maybe there is a young adults church group.....anything to get her around kids her age!!

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RODGRODMEDFLOD 3/21/2013 1:02PM

    Wow that was quite the adventure. She handled it like a trooper!


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CDCSMITH2013 3/21/2013 12:48PM

    Wow! That is scary. I'm glad she has someone like you for support. Great advice all around (in my opinion).

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BIGPAWSUP 3/21/2013 12:39PM

    How horrible! That was an awful encounter. I'm glad she handled it so well and didn't freak out on the guy.

I understand loneliness. I've had my fair share. I wouldn't know how to approach people like that. I think I'll stick to the Midwest, thanks.

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