Thursday, March 21, 2013
Hello. Well, I am calling this Heart Rate Low because I used to be able to get my heart rate up higher. Today my average was 113. Wow, that is really low, but I had a sweat going and my breathing was ok. I could feel my CHF. I can feel my SOB...shortness of Breath. I was proud that I got up, took hubby to carpool, stopped by gym and did 35 minutes on the elliptical (250 calories) and only crunches and arm machine. I walked yesterday. Got caught in the storm just before I reached destination. Yesterday was a start again with exercise and today was day 2.
People may not see my disability, but because I can do or try to do does not mean that I am not disabled. First of all, my meds make me tired and sleep a lot. How do you work and need nap. I can't drive long distance unless I skip my meds or plan to pull on side of road to take a nap. I have a list of I can'ts, but I choose to not focus on the I can'ts and focus on I can do or I did it. I try to focus on being upbeat and happy, having a positive attitude. Some may even think, "Oh a defib, those are no big deal, my dad had, or my mom, or grandma, grandpa or whatever, but if it was you getting one, how do you think you would feel?" It has been and is a very big decision for me. I really didn't want wires put into my heart and a thing attached to monitor my heart and have the ability to shock my heart... I remember the old ones and know the new ones are better and yes there is a 3 percent risk, and I don't like the thought of it. Every time I have something done with my heart, I have felt worse, not better.
I remember when I joined sparkspeople, I remember losing a few pounds, I remember suddenly gaining it back still following plan. I remember how I kept bumping up my exercise, trying to mix it up, tracking my food, tracking my exercise, and keep on going and just no loss. Well, my body was healing and my cholesterol numbers went down. I then had heart attack, and as many know things have been hard ever since...not because of heart attack, but because I had a 2nd massive heart attack a few days home from hospital and well a cardiologist who ignored me and told me it was normal and wondered what motivated me so much to exercise.
Now when I get a heart rate of 103 - 130... depending on heart or my chf... that would be my high and most I can push my heart. So Heart Rate may be Low, but it still doing the same thing...it is equivelent to someone who gets heart rate above 130.
I wish I could get my heart rate up like I used too, I wish a lot of things, but when I go for a walk or do 30 min on elliptical, or ride my bike or do something it wears me out, and depending how much I have pushed myself, I am wiped out sometimes for days. Yes it is worth it because I tried and still trying. Sometimes I go to do something and realize I can't do it and it frustrates me.
I talk about this because I am venting. I had my court in December, judge has made decision, I gave them my change of address, asked when I would find out decision and was told 2-3 months from this day which was like a 3 wks ago. I am afraid that they will deny me again and it frustrates me. I have worked my entire life, I truly am disabled. I can't do the things I used to do. I can't go back to work as much as I would love too. I have tried. Also, they won't hire me because of my condition. I look at some of my step daughter's friends, they get SSI and are considered disable because of bad behavior and have criminal background Felony, and get this and told they have PTSD, ADHD, and yet they work part time and capable of working, do drugs, get wasted and laugh at how they got money to blow from their job ($800 a month) but get SSI which pays their bills and are on Section 8 housing. I just find this so disturbing. When I was in court, judge asks me if I have any felony? misdeameanors? Alcohol or drug use, or even for medicinal purposes. It was NO. He said, if found, you will automatically get disqualified. Yes, these people with charges get it...I just don't understand it.
In order to get a defib, you have to have an ejection fraction of 35 or lower which is me. My heart is functioning at just below 50%. I never will get my front heart back unless they are able to inject stem cell and regrow the front of my heart. The technology is there but not available to me. I was told it might become available to me if I lose weight, get my numbers in check... Wow.