Thursday, March 21, 2013
the last two weeks have been trying for me. I have been eating a lot less, eating healthier options, exercising more including starting a zumba class. But what started it was my hubby pretty much telling me I was weak and could not do this. Even though at one point years ago, I managed to lose over 60 lbs, he is right. I have been weak. I have been not taking care of myself, eating too much, gained some weight, my confidence is in the gutter. When he said something about it, I got mad at him. but really I was mad at myself. He was pretty much saying what I felt about myself, but it came out of his mouth. He loves me no matter what size. But, he is happier when I'm happy. When I"m confident and feel good about myself and that hasn't happened in a long time.
But, then there are those that are in my zumba class. I started Monday and my neighbor and her mom came. The instructor is a little bitty thing, so is her mother, my neighbor and her mother. So it felt like i was the elephant in the room. And my neighbor told me that she didn't think I was going to make it through which I did. But, the instructor told me last night that I had done really well, almost like she was surprised that I had done it as well. I exercise almost everday. It may not be helping me lose weight, but it has helped my stamina and health. The bad thing is, I judge myself more than any of these people can. And I need to stop judging myself and just do it. Just stay on track and lose this weight.
I have lsot 8lbs in the last two weeks. I'm hoping for 20 lbs in the next 3. My hubby asked me what happens after that? I said, I don't know but I will reevaluate after that. Look I'm going to be 40. I'm not looking to be super thin, or even thin. I have never been thin. I know that realistically, I will end up about 190 and stay there. I know that is still considered overweight obese in some eyes, but at the same time, my body tends to hold there and I have my confidence at this point. If I lose more than that, great, but I'm more worried about maintaining and keeping it off. I don't want to lose such a drastic amount and then know that I will not be able to keep it off.