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Something's gotta give...

Thursday, March 21, 2013

I've reached a new milestone. I am now 40-50 pounds overweight. Ugh! I am 50 pounds above my ultimate weight, but 40 pounds above what I would be happy to weigh.

How did I let myself go?

How do I get motivated to get back?

Here's the thing... I am NOT asking for advice on what to physically do to lose weight. I know the steps. I know what it takes. I know what works for me and what doesn't work for me. The ONLY thing I am lacking is that one magical thing that somehow inspires me to do all of the things I need to do to lose weight!

Last time (30 pounds heavier than I am now), my one magical thing that somehow inspired me was an event. We were skiing in Japan. I was exhausted just putting me gear on (my gear including my husband's old snowboarding pants that I was nearly busting through). But the real kicker, was when I tipped over. I didn't fall, more like just sat down after a long run. I couldn't get back up. But it really was one of those epiphany moments.

Flash to now. I'm not a beached whale. Yes, it is difficult to get up if I fall (rarely happens), but not impossible like it was that day. I am wearing a different pair of my husband's old snowboarding pants (smaller than the other ones, but again, I'm nearly busting out of them). I bemoan the state of my existence... the way my clothing fits (or doesn't fit, as is more the case), the way I look in the mirror, the effort it takes to do certain things, etc. But all of this bemoaning does nothing.

I do nothing.

I get semi-motivated and track food for awhile, but semi-motivated isn't cutting it. I do exercise - skied a couple of hours yesterday. But then I'm extra hungry, and I end up giving myself carte-blanche to eat whatever I want, due to the fact that I've exerted myself. That's counter-productive.

And for me, at least, being heavy is a downward spiral (or upward, if you're looking at the scale). I get depressed about the weight, which leads to emotional eating, which leads to more weight, which leads to more emotional eating...

So, I broken the cycle of gaining. I was holding steady just below 180. I was inordinately pleased with that... but again, that led to complacency about not getting serious about losing weight. And furthermore, that complacency has also led to starting up the scale again. I have now reached that milestone... 182, which is 50 pounds overweight!

I appreciate support (and I apologize that I am not in a position to visit your pages and give you the support I would like to give). But please limit any advice to motivational advice, as I don't need tips on what or how to eat or exercise. I just need to figure out how to get myself in gear.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey Heidi,

    You've made it abundantly clear that you don't want advice (I often make the same request, and I respect that wish!) so none coming from me....just an affirmation that we are all in this struggle together, and you've done it can do it again! Hang in there and let's just DO it!

    I'm here if you want/need to vent!
    1824 days ago
    Sounds like you already have the motivation!! You aren't happy with the way you look and the way you feel and realize that you are eating for emotion not nutrition. Maybe set up a small reward for yourself for losing the first 5lbs. Give yourself something to look forward to; something you wouldn't ordinarily do for yourself. Summer is coming.... how about you lose 5 lbs. you can get a fabulous manicure or a pedicure, or treat yourself to a new summer top. Be kind to yourself for every small step you make in the right direction. emoticon
    1824 days ago
    One thing I had trouble with was being kind to myself which leads to value issues...a sparkfriend suggested that I post some pictures of myself somewhere only I could see them and each day look at them and give myself positive self talk about some of the positive negative self talk allowed, just being grateful for the good stuff. It's hard to do at first, but eventually that appreciation for a muscle here, a smile there, kind of woke me up to some self love and motivation.
    1824 days ago
    emoticon . the most important thing is to do it for yourself and your health.
    1824 days ago
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