I had really been looking forward to this day, but it has ended up coming at a time where I am REALLY REALLY struggling. I have been on Spark off and on since 2009, but March 20, 2012 I came back and got serious. I started that day at 262, 10 pounds down from my highest weight, and I have gotten as low as 209. But am currently sitting back at about 212.
I am going through a very rough patch, and I can't sit here and pretend that everything is
's when it's not. I had hoped to be sitting here at a much lower weight, preferably in Onederland, but sometimes things don't go as planned.
For total disclosure, I was eating VERY poorly before Vegas, I ate terribly in Vegas and that pattern has continued after I got back, with a visit from TOM. It is no shock that I have gone from 209 back up to 212...My good buddy did remind me that sometimes a little bit of weight coming back is the reality check that we need to remind ourselves of what needs to be done.
I have been stuck at 212 since Halloween, and when I finally got under it I was so happy, but then started sabotaging myself... I know there is a part of me that is truly scared to lose this weight. I have admitted it before, and as I approach Onederland it is really becoming a reality that I CAN accomplish what I set out to do and it scares me. I know there was some physical stuff that my body was truly at a plateau for some time and it wouldn't budge no matter what I did... I think my body has overcome the physical hurdles and now it is the mental hurdles that are blocking me from reaching my goals.
I have a lot of personal stuff going on, and boys have a lot to do with it. It really kills me that I allow a boy, and my emotions to mess up my weight loss journey. It is not an excuse, I have full control and I am the one that ALLOWS this to happen, but it frustrates me that I do that. I know better, there are times I feel like I have learned a lot and come long way... and then there are times where I feel like I am back to square one.
I am trying to take the boy situation into my own hands, and because I am single I need to really start trying to date and meet people. It is so hard for me, I let my weight and more importantly HOW I FEEL about my weight hold me back. But I keep sitting on the couch and letting life pass me by, and I really need to get my act together. I will most likely be meeting a brand new boy on Friday if all goes according to plan, and that causes me a great deal of stress, anxiety and also a bit of sadness that despite the situation with "the boy", I am still very single.
I am sorry that this blog is such a downer, I am just in a pretty bad place right now and that is why this blog is the way this is. When I envisioned writing this months ago I intended it to be a super happy blog with all sorts of accomplishments, but that just isn't how I'm feeling today.
To try and end on a brighter note
, this is the longest I have tried to lose weight without giving up. Despite being in a bad place and regaining some weight, I am not throwing in the towel. I am still walking at work and walking Sparky faithfully
... I have kept off 60 pounds total (50 pounds from this past year) successfully and keeping off ANY amount of weight is a huge deal for me. I am ready for more, I am ready to dig myself out of the rut, but any positive energy you could throw my way would be really appreciated during this difficult time.
I am so thankful for all my Spark Friends, you are the reason I am here and not giving up. I LOVE YOU ALL, but quick special shout outs to Susan, Shelby, Alyssa, Elizabeth, Heather, Grace, Michelle and just well, EVERYONE because you are all seriously amazing!