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Not Everyone Will Be Happy With Your Loss - Tales from 100# Down.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Today's blog is going to deal with a "touchy" subject but it's one that I feel I should address because some of you are going to encounter it at some point on your journey and I want you to be prepared so that it doesn't send you into a detour!

One would think everyone would be overjoyed to see the pounds coming off but that's not always the case. I'm going to talk about several "real life" reactions (not all mine - some have happened to friends). You probably won't encounter the whole list on your journey but you will probably encounter at least one.

Let's start with your significant other. While some SO's are overjoyed with the transformation some feel threatened by it. If the SO is also overweight there may be fear that you will want "someone new". There is at least the fear that you will attract the eye of the opposite sex with your slimming body. You will have to work hard to assure your SO that your feelings remain unchanged and that you are just a "healthier version" of the same person they have always loved.

Having said that I will caution you that some relationships do not survive drastic weight loss. In fact, some SO's have gone so far as to try to sabotage weight loss efforts because they DO fear potential loss. Open communication throughout your journey will help a great deal. Encourage your SO to participate in your journey if only as a cheerleader and supporter!

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Other Family - If you come from a family where others are overweight and NOT trying to make change you may meet resistance. Your journey may make another obese family member feel "guilty" about their own weight issues. This can play out in avoidance, criticism and even sabotage. They may say things like "You've lost enough already." or "one piece of pie won't hurt" or possibly even "what, you think you are too good to eat my fried chicken?" Try to take the focus off food and onto fellowship and don't try to "drag them" onto YOUR journey kicking and screaming. Your example of health and fitness will be testimony enough and if they are ready they will ASK you for your help!

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Friends - Do you have lots of "fat friends"? Many that begin this journey do as that has been a group that was not "judgmental" and supported the previous lifestyle. I had a group of friends 15 years ago that were all 250+. We ran together (and ate together) and there was "safety" in that group as all were in the same "boat". If you start making a lifestyle change your friends may grow distant as you no longer want to participate in their eating entertainment or you may have to decline a get together as it interferes with your workout schedule. Know that you are making a choice for a healthier life.

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Fellow Dieters/Teammates

If you are having great success you may find that even those on the journey with you in a weight loss support group or sparkpeople team may distance themselves from you. Know that this is probably because they are not quite where you are on the journey and has nothing to do with you as a person. When some are in a detour seeing others that started at the SAME TIME move far ahead only serves to remind them of their own stumbles. Denial and avoidance are sometimes the response. Keep being you. The problem is not you - it's the person that is struggling with their own journey.

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The bottom line is that many will applaud your efforts and be inspired and motivated by them, but not all will. Try not to let those few deter you from your successful journey. Some of them will "come around". Some may not, but you are not doing this journey for them. THIS journey is for your own health and fitness. THIS journey can only be made by you.

Listen carefully. Do you hear them? Do you hear the encouragers? Go Betty! Go Dave! Go Alicia! Go Bob! Go Andrea! Go Jennifer! You can do it!

Press On!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is SO true - and SO sad! I'm just happy that for the most part my husband and daughter are NOT the ones who try to sabotage my journey (occasionally DH suggests eating things that aren't the best choices but that's mostly because he doesn't want to eat them alone LOL.)
    1695 days ago
  • KIMBERLY19732
    1697 days ago
    Gah! So true! My husband and my mother both are behaving badly right now. My husband, as you said, is acting threatened. My mother, who was a model and cheerleader in college, will one second ask for my "secret" (there is no secret of course), then get mad at me when I tell her the information she wants to know. Eating right and exercise just isn't her thing. She wants a magic pill...and she's SURE I have one and I'm not sharing it with her!
    1698 days ago
    Thank you for sharing this with us.
    1702 days ago
  • L*I*T*A*
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1704 days ago
    So true, thanks for sharing.
    1704 days ago
    This is one really important blog. Thanks for writing it. emoticon emoticon
    1704 days ago
  • JKANT88
    I haven't experienced much of this towards me, but I know I have to make myself resist unintentional sabotage of others when I'm not on track. I have a friend that lost weight with me back in middle and high school and while she has kept if off since then and still looks great, I have gained it back and more. When I hang out with her I start to feel bad about my choices and wish that she would choose something less healthy just to make me feel more normal or that it is possible to look like her and indulge every once in a while. I know that this isn't really true and so I try to just turn that jealousy into motivation to match her good habits.
    1704 days ago
    So very true....not everyone will be rooting for you (me) but you made a great point...Keep staying yourself...and keep on pressing! emoticon
    1704 days ago
    Beautifully written, as always. Congrats on your journey and for your perseverance, even if not everyone was supportive. The rest of us are here, cheering you on and celebrating your success!
    1704 days ago
    A very important topic! Thanks for the thoughtful blog.
    1704 days ago
    This is SO TRUE! Also, when you have a "role" in your biological family as "the fat one" it's hard for them to view you as anything else. Once when I lost 40 pounds and was down to a size 8, my dad asked me how much I weighed. When I proudly told him "140", his only comment was, "WOW, YOU STILL WEIGH A LOT! YOU SURE WERE FAT!"

    I was young at the time, didn't realize his comment as HIS problem, not mine, and promptly gained all the weight back. We can't always get the approval of those who SHOULD be on our side. Oh! But maybe that's another topic for "Tales from 100# Down!!"

    Thanks for your great blog.
    1704 days ago

    It made me realize how blessed I am. With a slim and fit husband who enjoys it to much that I'm able to make a lot with him (ok, he still fancy burger and Pizza, but is fine with my homemade alternatives)
    We eat together with my parents and well - thats sometimes a bit of a problem.
    1704 days ago
    Sad but true which makes the statement do it for you even more important!
    1704 days ago
    You have covered this subject well and in a balanced way. I appreciate it and think it's a wonderful blog.

    I sometimes ask myself, What is it I really want in the way of support? The answer I like best is for me to know I'm following my own beliefs about living a good and healthy life. What others say or don't say becomes less important when I am on the mark about my own life.

    1705 days ago
    emoticon for sharing. emoticon
    1705 days ago
    very true
    1705 days ago
    Good for everyone to keep in mind.
    1705 days ago
    This is so good and true and thank you for the reminders of losing weight. Yes, the main thing is that we do it for us. Actually, I'm trying to save my body. I'm trying to save Karen. Noone else can do that!

    emoticon Karen
    1705 days ago
    Great blog. So, so true!
    1705 days ago
    Great blog! Thanks for the heads-up. I will always look for the people who are ready to encourage me to keep pushing.
    1705 days ago
  • UZA77777
    Love it!!!
    1705 days ago
    And you're awesome! Keep at it!
    1705 days ago
    And you're awesome! Keep at it!
    1705 days ago

    I actually have a friend who posted on Facebook that some "people" (meaning me) seem to be obsessed with exercise and need to be more balanced. I responded with I know lots of people that are obsessed with the couch... what about them?
    1705 days ago
    Wow! Your points are very well stated. Sadly, as your lifestyle changes, so will some of the people in your life. I believe that the Spark program is so successful because it concentrates more on making the necessary life changes, in order to achieve permanent results. My earlier experience with losing a lot of weight before, not only were the good habits NOT ingrained, but my own mind wasn't changing with the size of my body. I got quite small but still felt like "the hulk!" Being shy at that time, I was also quite mortified by all the attention my new figure was drawing. For these reasons, all the weight came back quickly -with extra!

    I have more hope in the Spark Program than anything, because truly, slowly but surely still reaches the destination. The longer you have to work at it, the more a natural way of being it becomes.
    1705 days ago
    I guess I have been very lucky. Or deaf. Not sure which. Fortunately for me I have only had encouragement from my friends and family. Of course I don't have a significant other either. Spark on!
    1705 days ago
    Thank you. You bring up some valid points and I am glad you approached them and offered solutions.
    1705 days ago
    1705 days ago
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