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    SWEETNEENI   33,004
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Broken

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

I have gained back 25 of the 48 pounds I lost.

Things have been very, very stressful here.

My daughter has been struggling with mental health and substance abuse issues.
I injured my shoulder.
My husband's pay is frozen for the 4th year in a row.
I live in Newtown, CT.

These are all very good excuses. But as much as I am hurting on the inside, I do not need my jeans contributing to my pain. They are so tight, they hurt.

They are so tight, I split the butt on one pair. They were old and the material was thin, so I told myself it was excusable.

They are so tight, that the following week, I popped the button on a different pair.

BRRRRRING, BRRRRRING. Yeah that's the Clue Phone ringing LOUDLY, just for me.

I'm not even sure where I am going to get the motivation to do this right now. I am so broken. But I know SP works. I have always known what I have to do. I need SOMETHING to feel good again.

Even if my heart is torn apart, my jeans do not have to be.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1HAPPYSPIRIT 7/20/2013 11:02AM

    Stay strong!!! Start your day with a positive attitude to stay on track and be accountable! emoticon

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SWEETLILCARRIE 7/20/2013 10:38AM

    emoticon I am so sorry for what you have been going through. Know this, things will get better. Once you get to the bottom, there is no place to go but up. I know that sometimes while being down there on that rocky bottom it feels like the rocks are going to give out on you and you're going to fall even lower but just keep looking forward to the new day ahead of you. Keep telling yourself that it will get better. It might not happen today, tomorrow or even next week, but it will happen. And you will be a better person for what you are going through.

And with gaining 25 lbs back... well, some times we stumble and fall. We're not always going to be able to walk the straight and smooth path. There are going to be rocks, ruts, holes and other things to make us trip and fall. It's not about how fast you are able to get back up. It's about just getting back up and pushing on. Which I know you can do. You might stumble around a little bit and have a hard time with, but that is to be expected. You fell down. You got hurt. Now you have to get back up and get back into it no matter how slowly you have to do it.

I'm always here for you! I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I really hope to talk to you soon. I miss all your nice words! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OHMEMEME 3/27/2013 6:57PM

    emoticon some things are just hard to deal with. Grieving is part of the process. Do it and move on. One step, one choice. Sometimes I regain and then just hold there until I can refocus and start again. Do not give up! Keep Sparking for inspiration and motivation and information...

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KIMCOLLINGS 3/27/2013 3:37PM

    Wow. What a hard time you've been through. Very challenging. Sometimes the only control/power we have in our lives is over ourselves. Start making strides towards your health and I bet you will feel a sense of control, pride, confidence, and security. It is one thing that you have control of and can change. No one can do it for you and the good part about that is that you get to take all the credit for your accomplishments and know it was you and your strength that did it! What an awesome feeling! You can take it as far as you want to go, one step at a time. Start today with something small and be consistent. Then add something else small, but always be consistent and go slow. It's hard because I know I always want results right away, but slow and consistent will bring changes in a lasting way. I started doing some new exercises a couple of months ago and I'm finally seeing results that are noticeable. I wanted to stop after a month because I didn't notice anything, but I persisted and it paid off. It will happen for you too. Remember, this is one thing you can do to brighten your life. One thing you can do and earn the right to take all of the credit for your accomplishments. One thing you can do to feel good about yourself. It can give you more confidence and power which spills over into the rest of your life and creates strength to deal with the challenges that life brings. Empower yourself in this area for you and then take that strength and confidence and take life by the horns! I know you can do it because you did before. Your spark friends are here. Let us know how you're doing and any time you need to talk or vent shoot me a note.

Comment edited on: 3/27/2013 3:42:40 PM

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BRAVENEWGRL 3/27/2013 3:09PM

    Oh wow - what a full plate! I agree you are not broken - if you were broken, you wouldn't be here.

Take lots of deep breaths. YOu will get through this.

"I may not be there yet but I am closer than I was yesterday."

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VAMANOS 3/27/2013 11:24AM

    Aw, sweetie, I'm right there with you, right down to the regaining half of what I shed before. Sometimes the best you can do is just hold the line, and take whatever baby steps you are capable of to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Give me your hand, I'm taking the baby steps toward that light myself, and I'll drag you along with me.

emoticon

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GOLFCHICK2-0 3/21/2013 3:24PM

    You're here. That's a start. I'm proud of you for that.

That "clue phone" ringing was reality, and reality sometimes bites! Gaining back your weight won't help your daughter. Buying a new, bigger wardrope won't help your finances. Making yourself unhealthy won't undo the evil that happened.

I like what Ravensong said. YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. Try to remember the energy you had when you hit that 48 lb mark. You can find that again. Getting yourself healthy can only be positive for you, for your family. The community of Newtown could probably use some more healthy people!

You've lost that 25 before and you can lose it again. Good news is, it's not the whole 48. You're here. You are worth it!!

Fall down seven times, get up eight!!

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MESEATURTLE 3/21/2013 2:45AM

    Can totally relate....am not in a good state myself....
This is what brought me through yesterday.....

' WHAT FUELS MY SPIRIT AND MY SOUL?"
focus on that ....
loads of hugs

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RAVENSONG37 3/20/2013 11:10PM

    You aren't broken, you're just cracked and those cracks are where the light shines through. We're here and we know how it feels to let our bodies be a source of shame and pain, but you can get back on track!

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LESLEE33 3/20/2013 11:08PM

    It always seems like when we feel and do our best life always throws a curve ball, and throws us off track. The most important thing you can do during these stressful and trying times, is take care of yourself no matter what. emoticon emoticon

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AKATHLEEN54 3/20/2013 10:36PM

    You may be broken but sparkpeople are here to love and help heal you. Baby steps....maybe even just log on and chat and hopefully get the support you need to get back on track and move forward. All is not lost... you still seem to have your sense of humor and that is a very good thing. God bless you and your family and I hope you will be able to get back your inner peace.

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STRIVING4HEALTH 3/20/2013 10:20PM

    I can totally empathize with you chica. It's never too late to start again though, and sometimes having something positive to focus on can help you to deal with everything else.

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ME_HERE_NOW 3/20/2013 10:05PM

    aaah girl, i know the feeling all too well, been trying to scrape myself up off the ground for months and months now, i too know it works, i just can't manage to workout AND eat less at the same time - forever long now. i am 45 up, half of what i originally lost, so sad. however, beating ourselves up won't change anything...i am trying to appreciate my roundness and hope that brings me back to knowing i am worth all the effort this takes...sending love and hugs your way!

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PRETTYPITHY 3/20/2013 9:57PM

    Sorry to hear about your recent struggles. It sounds like such a high stress situation and as we know, stress leads directly to weight gain. Is there anyone you can talk to about all of this? I would imagine that in Newtown there must be some resources for people who want to talk. To have something like that happen so close to home . . . I can't imagine. I really hope you reach out to someone, if you haven't already and please let me know if I can help in any way. emoticon

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