Wednesday, March 20, 2013
So I really started trying to lose this excess weight in the past two or so weeks. Before that I really had the "eh I screwed up today anyways, re-set tomorrow!" frame of mind. Two weeks ago I had a really, really bad dream. I was cleaning the living room, and my two younger boys were playing, and I felt a weight hit my chest. From this point on in the dream I was watching from above. I collapsible on the floor while my boys watched. They spent the rest of the body playing around my dead body, my youngest brought me his blanket and cuddled me for his nap. The dream ended before my oldest came home from school.
It scared me. I woke up scared, and sad, incredibly sad. I dont want to leave my sons alone. I dont want to end my marriage early, I look forward to when the kids have grown having days alone with my husband.
I know that the dream was likely brought on by something I watched on tv, or the fact that I am turning 30 this year and feel a bit old, but it scared me, and it motivated me. I cant really tell if this kind of motivation is the kind I need to stay the course. Is my fear going to fade once I lose a few lbs? In another year when I have become a healthier weight will I forget all about it and let myself slip?