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Witty Repartee Available on Demand

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

From the P.G. Wodehouse website
"Are you ever stuck not knowing what to say? Do you friends often outsmart you with their stunning verbal repartee?

With the P. G. Wodehouse Quote Generator, the wit of a comic genius is at your fingertips.

You will never again be without just the right thing to say."

The first two I saw were these:
"My motto is 'Love and let love'- with the one stipulation that people who love in glass houses should breathe on the windows."
From Come On, Jeeves

"He was in the acute stage of that malady which, for want of a better name, scientists call the heeby-jeebies."
From Spring Fever, chapter 3

But there is an even better website for random Wodehouse quotations,

Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.
The Luck of the Bodkins (1936)

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.
Blandings Castle (1935) ``Lord Emsworth Acts for the Best''

``Jeeves is a wonder.''
``A marvel.''
``What a brain.''
``Size nine-and-a-quarter, I should say.''
``He eats a lot of fish.''
Thank You, Jeeves (1934)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Love Jeeves and Wooster emoticon
    1828 days ago
    1828 days ago
    1828 days ago
  • F8CONE8
    Oh so funny
    1828 days ago
    1828 days ago
    I have had the heebie-jeebies and I can tell you that they are no fun!!! LOL!!
    1828 days ago
  • 3016DEBRA
    I LOVE Southerner's!!! I wanna go back emoticon
    1828 days ago
    Good old Jeeves
    1828 days ago
    I subscribe to, which sends a "good clean funny" every day. Here's one you might like, as you're in the South -

    True Southerner
    Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a"hissie fit" and a "conniption," and that you don't "have"them, so much as you "pitch' them.
    Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collardgreens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a mess.
    A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
    A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in "Going to town, be back directly."
    Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
    All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
    True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If thetrouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.)
    True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between"right near" and "a right far' piece." They know that "just down the road" can be one mile or twenty.
    True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
    No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
    True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used both as a noun, verb, and adverb.
    A true Southerner knows how to understand Southern: a booger can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive ("That ol'booger!") or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you spitless.
    True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines." And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.
    Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.
    True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."
    True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
    Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon,grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.
    When you hear someone say, "Well, I called myself lookin',"you know you're in the presence of a genuine Southerner.
    Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened; "sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
    And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway. You say,"Bless her heart" and go your way.
    1829 days ago
    1829 days ago
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