Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I'm sure I aced my exam tonight.
But I ALSO got word tonight I was NOT accepted into the nursing program in the college I most wanted to attend. They changed the criteria this year. Last year I would have been accepted, because grades were counted on the applications as exactly the grades they were. Last year nursing students who received As in anatomy and physiology were given priority because they naturally had to understand those classes to be nurses!
I have 82 credits worth of As and 8 credits worth of Bs (in math classes). I even tutor other students in anatomy and physiology. But guess what? THIS year, anatomy As count like Bs! The one B in math that shows on my application suddenly is a liability. People with Bs in Anatomy but an A in that math class are now getting accepted into the nursing program. In the real world, computers calculate medicine dosages but cannot help a nurse with theories of health and disease.
For the last three years my grades have been in the top 5% or better. I'm Phi theta kappa. Apparently I didn't need to lock myself in a room and study all those hours straight after all.
I either have to choose the next college down on my list (where I am likely to be accepted) or retake that math class for an A and reapply next year. Or I can change majors entirely. At age 47-almost-48, these are hard choices. I've already moved across country and lost one good job to help my family. Then I got laid off two years after moving here. Now I've got to change majors, maybe? I feel ill, antsy, a knot in my stomach.
Tonight I am not at home. I am at my mother's because I said I'd help her tomorrow. Tonight I don't even have my own books, my own computer, my own stuff, my own Solly. (Solly's my standard poodle. He's a good boy, always ready, even at two am, to play or console... whatever is needed. I could use him now.)
But what do I do now? No Solly. Can't eat all of Mom's food, drink all her wine, bang my head against her wall and act like a foolish 20 year old. Other colleges within a reasonable drive aren't looking tons better, at least in my current frame of mind. I guess I will have to attempt to act my age and decide I can't solve my problem tonight.
I'm rarely depressed. Maybe I'll write nice things tomorrow.